Tribute to the amazing Eric and Briana Hoffman

Tonight my heart is hurting for a friend of mine. I look at Jackson and hurt at even the thought of what she is going through. I have cried for her and can't imagine the tragedy that her and her family have to (and have had to in the past) endure.
Sometimes life just isn't fair. Of course that sounds like something I was told as a child but Briana has had her fair dose AND MORE of heartache and trial.
For those of you that don't know the story I will say a small portion but to read her whole story go to the bottom of this link  http://www.gofundme.com/3w7s74. I'm not the best writer so I will be short:
In 3 and a half years Briana and her family has had their two year old child go through leukemia for 3 years, (chemo, steroids and the unknowing of what the end result would be) their youngest having other problems that had them going to different specialists trying to figure out what was wrong with little answers. A miscarriage. AND on top of that in August gave birth at 38 weeks to a stillborn.
I can't imagine and tears come into my eyes when I think about it all. I wish I could take some of their pain and anguish away. I don't really know, and don't want to insult by saying that it is but sometimes I think I have a little survivors remorse. Jackson was only a few months old when I went to their baby Kate's funeral. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I have had little experience with death and funerals. As I stood there watching Briana and Eric at the hearse I had the thought "I wonder who will be the pallbearers." I didn't prepare myself to see this

As I held Jackson imagining myself in their shoes I was stopped dead in my tracks in the overwhelming sense of sympathy I had for these two amazing friends of mine. This may sound weird but when they came up to meet Jackson for the first time, inside I wanted to say so badly "Here take mine, you've gone through enough. I will take some pain to ease yours." 

I was invited to a lunch afterwards in which at the end I invited Briana and her family to Thanksgiving point with some friends of ours on a different day. She was so kind and thoughtful with how she approached it but when I thought about it I felt a little bad for asking. Why? Because if I were in her shoes I would be mad- not at me but at the normal life others are still living, at the thought that I have no energy to exert on anything but living, at the desire to be happy amongst friends while knowing you won't last the day without tears. 

I wish I was good with advice, write a million pages and words of encouragement, and somehow be a part of helping ease their pain. 

So the only help I know how is to plead with you to go on this webpage and help them financially. Have you heard the saying, "Many hands make light work?" Well please be part of the many, even if its a small amount it will lighten their load. 

I send my whole heart to Briana and her family. My prayers are for you!

One week! the real countdown!

Steph and adorable Summer

I can't believe its finally here. One week to go! I am so excited.
Not much new has happened. I went to St George again! This time we got to go with Anders and Stephanie. (Our cousins). They are really fun, laid back and make vacationing what it should be! ...Thanks for letting me tag along with you!

He constantly stared at the water- so cool I guess!

Lymans had this fun floaty. He didn't mind it even though the
sun was in his face. He just relaxed.

I took Jackson swimming! SO FUN! He loved it. I thought he would be fussy but nope! He was great! It was a fun fun weekend! This weekend a bunch of friends of mine are going to bear lake! So I have kept myself busy which has helped with the time going by faster. I'm excited for the weekend.

We totally wore him out! Slept so much this day!

I'm generally not quick to anger but I do get there sometimes. Gary has helped toned me down with this. He is so good, never raises his voice and so I have yet to do so to him. This has helped me learn to react in a more positive way. I hope to continue not to yell, or get overly angry with my kids when they do infuriating things in my eyes. Today I was reading a post from a blog. One thing he said stuck out to me, "Anger is almost always an emotion who wish to control others while simultaneously failing to control themselves."

The Kids loved holding him.

SO TRUE! I never really thought of it that way. I want so bad to be a good mother... no a great mother. I know I will have my downfalls, days that I will feel like I failed, and days that will be hard not to just get mad. But if I can keep this in mind, remember that this child looks up to me as if I was their everything, remember that I can't control them but can best control myself and hope they do the best they can, then that should be good enough. 

Confessions of a first time mom:

I never have seen Jackson stare at someone
as much as he did with Melody. He would
stare and smile and did it for quite a while!
Crush might I say? :) Melody says she's too
old and he can't anyway because their cousins!
Cute Melody! :)

I read an article about how parents clean pacifiers after fallen on the ground. One set of parents would run it under hot water and the other just sucked on it and gave it back to the child. After a few years they went back and checked on these kids and the children with the parents that cleaned the binkie under hot water actually more often had allergies, asthma and other things like that than those mothers that just sucked on the binkie. 

After reading this YES I became a 'suck on the binkie' mother! Gross? oh well. 

2 weeks... YES I SAID THAT RIGHT! 2 WEEKS!

I can't believe Gary gets home in two weeks! Its getting so close... some days it still seems like a lifetime away. But its coming! Things have been pretty good for the most part. I am getting tired of basically being a single parent. Although I do have a lot of help and wonderful friends and family that take him I am just excited not to wonder if I am asking others too much for their help. Gary will be here to help.
Here's a shout out to all that I must thank!
I am SO grateful. First off, my best friend and brother Kevin always runs in to help with the carseat and spoils me with many things! We have great talks and although we have many different beliefs I feel we have a connection that will last forever. We get each other, are there for each other and though I feel like the lucky one of the two I am sure happy we are the friends we are! He has watched Jackson and made me laugh with the way he entertained him while I was gone. Thanks!
Second, my amazing sister and one I look up to as her mothering is amazing! She has done SO many things for me as Gary has been gone. I can't even explain the amount of generosity she has given me. She was there at my birthing class, at the hospital (sleeping there with me too), the first few days at home with Jackson, many meals, many invites to her house, Easter surprise, did I say many meals? my first mothers day care package!, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, she has been a listening ear to my long ramblings. I love her and can't thank her enough.
Third, Michelle. She has brightened many days! With her sweet thoughtful texts checking up on me, the cutest gifts she has sent to me just randomly, and with her visits, friendship and great talks it has made this trek a bit easier on me...all because of what some people might think of as little things, but for me they were HUGE! Thanks so much!
Fourth, Julie, Rick, Brianna, Brooke, and Mikki. They are the family I live with. Not only have they opened their home to me they accept me and love me for me. They have helped immensely with Jackson. I have done yoga, many store trips, a real estate test prep class (a long one too), taken long hot showers, worked out, and have been able to play kickball on a league because of all their help and generosity of their time. They are my right hand and I WOULD NOT have been able to do it without them right here in the same home helping me.

I don't disregard all of you that have given gifts, send love and support, called me, encouraged me and have been there for me these past months. You all are my life savers. And I thank you!

3 Weeks! Slowly but surely.

3 weeks left to go! This seems so close and yet some days I just don't want to wait any longer. I realized something the other day. I was missing Gary a little- for some reason being a tad emotional. I stopped myself in trying to push all my feelings to the side by saying what I always say "its only....this much.... time left." this CAN be a good tactic but it can also be bad. This time it was bad because I just needed to feel what I was feeling. 

All too often we as people tend to try and push aside feelings of sadness, frustration, and stress because they are 'negative.' But if we just sit with the feeling and let yourself go through that emotion I feel often times we would be able to get past it instead of just ignoring it. Its a hard concept to explain but feel what you are going through... because its okay. Its okay that I was missing Gary. Its okay that I didn't even want to wait 3 more weeks. And even okay to be a little down for a time about it all. It didn't take long for me to get over as Gary called and listened to me and of course made me feel like a million bucks. 

In our relationship I am more of the 'fix the problem' and Gary is the 'just listen to me' kind. So at times when I shouldn't be fixing he fills in and helps me be okay with where I am at. 

Moving on.

Can you tell how big he is?

Jackson has been GROWING LIKE A WEED! At his 2 month appointment he was in the 91st % in weight and 94th in height! This was over 3 weeks ago! And I don't know if he is going through another growth spurt because he is feeding often again. Jackson is taller than his cousin that is 5 months old is about the same weight. 

He is starting to laugh more and smile a lot. Its getting really fun and I am excited for Gary to come be a part of it. He isn't rolling over and doesn't even seem like he is trying. He LOVES to stand on his feet though, and sitting up. He gets restless laying down all the time. He sometimes gets fussy just for some attention-its kind of cute. 

My sweet sister holding Jackson after a blow out.
She loved holding him. It was cute.

I am one LUCKY mother. He isn't one of those babies that never cries but he is so good for my needs. He has been on 9 flights! (up and downs on an airplane) because of all the layovers I had getting to San Antonio and then to Mississippi. We just took a road trip to St George and did WONDERFUL. We will be going again soon and also to Bear Lake. I love the kid so much and glad he is good for me for all that I put him through. 

Confessions of a first time mom:

Jackson sleeps on his stomach. The hospital has "back is best" everywhere so being a first time mom it was hard when he wouldn't sleep very well on his back. He sleeps a ton better on his stomach. I felt guilty like I was chancing my child's life because I didn't choose to make him sleep on his back. Don't get me wrong, probably two to four times a month I think he isn't breathing and have adrenaline shoot through my body like no other. But I have found that as a mother you have to do whatever works for you. 

4 Weeks which is 28 days or 672 hours

A fun walk on the beach

At the Biloxi visitors center

All that was left of a house after
Hurricane Katrina... a chimney

I can't even begin to explain the past 2 weeks for me. More and MORE blessings happened and I got to have Gary all to myself from Friday to Monday. Then a few hours at night the other days I was there. HEAVEN. We had a very nice couple take us around and show us sights and had a lot of fun. We ended up watching all three Back to the Future movies because I had never seen them before. (those who know me well are but aren't at the same time surprised :) right?)

Jackson was hilarious on our plane ride back. During the day flight when he would look out the window he would do this funny squint face because of the brightness and then look away. The funniest part is he kept looking out and doing the same thing. During the night flight I was right by the wing and there were flashing lights and he would stare out the window not moving for a good amount of time and then start looking around again and then find himself looking out the window again in a trance. Its nice that this age flashing lights entertain the kid.
There were still many places and lots that had the effects shown from Hurricane Katrina. So many damages done and lots emptied. Some places had a mark of how high the water got to and others only had chimneys left. It was crazy to see how bad the damages were. I began to question peoples logic of why they would live in such a place that their lives go into shambles that quickly. I am not a native so I don't think I will ever understand that.

Out to eat with Kimpels, They were the ones who took us out on the town to see sights!

I'm on the downward spiral and I just know Gary coming home will come quickly. I am so excited and have this energy that is fun to have because of it. Sorry for a short post but I have to get ready I'm going to St George today! :) I love my life.

first time Jackson stood on grass

they look so alike right? :)

The airplane was a little harder this trip
but at the same time more fun.

hanging out at the hotel

7 weeks.... I think I was off count before

Gary when he was at BMT

I GET TO SEE GARY IN LESS THAN A WEEK! I have actually gotten a little nervous. Leaving Gary at BMT was SOOOO hard on me. I am a little worried (or maybe a lot) about leaving Gary again. I keep telling myself that this time is different because I am preparing my mind, because he'll only have 5 weeks left when I leave, because I have a full week to spend with him, and because I have a few things planned after I leave and before he gets back to keep me distracted (plus its summer). I also want to not have these knots in my stomach the whole week I'm with him. I want to just enjoy and take in every moment.

This past week has been pretty good. One night though I had a hormonal night or something. I was talking to Gary and was totally fine. When he wanted to end the phone call to go to bed I instantly got tears in my eyes and was so sad. Then I had a huge "I miss you so much" session with tears streaming. It was quite strong feelings and it really came out of no where. So I decided that if I had my period back it would have been this week with that crazy hormonal night.

My first Mothers Day was WONDERFUL. I got to serve! I made a big dinner for my family. They came to my house and I had meals that accommodated the men and a different one for the women. Lasagna for the men and quinoa stuffed squash for the women! :) It was fun and glad I did it. I was well treated as well. My wonderful sister brought me a "first time mom pampering kit" full of fun stuff. She is always so good at that! Thanks Lisa! She also had her cute kids write answers to some questions and here are the results. (they were all asked at different times so they didn't hear each others responses.)

                              Austin (age 11)              Dylan (age 8)            Sadie (age 6)        Real answer
How old is Julie?                       29                               40                           39                    27

Favorite food?                      Salad                            Pizza                      Salad        Zupas! :)

                                 Go on walks with        Spend time with      Talk with people    All of them
Favorite thing to do?   friends and talk a lot             Jackson

What does Julie do     care for Jackson            If Gary's there       Feed Jackson        All of them
during the day?                                            she'd talk all day.

What does Julie love      Jackson                     her husband           Jackson          they are good!

If Julie were to be      
famous what would it     singing                     being nice               because she's        ?????
be for?                                                                                       a rock star

What is Julie really         planning things         Handling when           Playing basketball     ????
good at?                                                 someone's bugging her

Better late than never

I didn't get a countdown Thursday in and I don't have a lot of time right now but I thought I'd get something down. This past week hasn't been too shabby. as now its only 2 weeks until I see Gary it seems so much more bearable and the excitement is starting to kick in.

Engagement photo's

Last week marked our 4 years of the day he proposed to me.... we don't do anything for this, I just remember because it was one day away from being exactly a year after I got home from my mission. Its crazy how fast it has gone but seems like a different lifetime if I think about life without him.
Gary has been my rock, even though he has it even harder right now he pulls up his boot straps and is the one to be strong for me all too often. He doesn't have family, friends or a familiar place on his side for support but yet he is still so strong.
I have started a new book called Bloom by Kelle Hampton. Its been really good as she is an amazing writer. I have a quote I want to share from her that I think is very insightful.

We THOUGHT we were funny pretending to be in jail.

"Let me tell you something about strength. you can't buy it, and you most certainly cannot get it overnight. It is earned, like muscle sinews that grow and fortify over years of hard exercise. Second, I wouldn't say my glass is always half full. There are days when it's cracked and leaking, days when it's chipped and even shattered. But then I get the Krazy Glue out and fix it, and suddenly it's half full again. Even though it's patched up in places, I've made it my own with the beveled edges and beautiful etchings that perspective brings."
I love this. Too often we think we need to show our strong side, make it seem like we always have our wits about us. I am NOT like this. I am me, I have my hard days, easy and wonderful days and days where I feel like I am going crazy. Thats LIFE. I know that those who try to perceive otherwise are fooling themselves more than me. I am getting stronger and stronger every day. My glass is my own and I love it. Gary and I at least once a week or so talk about how blessed we are. Gary talked about how much the blessings came after getting married. I almost agreed until I really thought about my life and I have been watched over and blessed TREMENDOUSLY throughout my entire life. There has always been p

Cold Gary? HA

eople to always watch and take over me, experiences to strengthen me and change my life, and more and more and more I can't begin to explain.

My life is good. It's actually GREAT. Although I would prefer to have Gary here, we both are learning and becoming stronger-AND he is coming back. I can survive. I hope all of you feel so blessed as well, I know its not just me that God blesses.

Happy Friday all. And its so late that I am saying that its only 1 and half weeks until I see Gary! YAY

Thursday Countdown 3 weeks until I see Gary and 9 until he is home for good

First thing I am excited about is a tender mercy from God about this trip I am going to be taking. I had a confirmed flight there and didn't know exactly what to do for flight home. I could fly standby on Jetblue but there were a lot of things that would go into that including a car rental, an hour and a half car ride on top of possible not making it on flights. It wasn't ideal but it was my only option instead of paying a lot of money we couldn't afford. Well my mom has points that she was willing to let me use on a different airline but we couldn't find a flight at the points we wanted. SO I started looking at flying into Las Vegas and other options. Today I was checking to make sure Vegas points were the same if I booked it and accidentally looked at flying into SLC. There was a flight for the points that we wanted!!! I got a booked flight HOME! Thanks of course to my wonderful and generous mother of mine!She is using HER points on ME! She has done so much for me these past few months and I am in awe of her kindness and generosity. Its so wonderful.

I only had one hard day this past week-there tends to be at least one a week. It wasn't too difficult I just had a little pitty party, talked with Gary, cried a little and then moved upward and onward. Gary had a good experience and helped me with being stronger.

Gary is doing great! He's such a strong guy and changing every day its amazing to see.

I don't have a lot to say this week but I am doing GREAT! Jackson is fun, starting to smile more, weighs about 12 pounds now! and is healthy. I am learning more everyday on how to be a good mom, what Jackson likes and doesn't, how to attend to certain needs and I know there are only tons more learning experiences to come. Happy, healthy, life is good and 3 weeks is going to come FAST! :).

I decided that although its long past the video of surprising Gary should be posted somewhere on this blog. Its not the best as the person shooting the video camera couldn't see what she was shooting because the sun was too bright and it came all too quickly for her to say anything. But nonetheless I love it. You can see a little of his great emotion that he really did have! I sure LOVE this man. (I don't know how to make the video better clarity as its not bad on my original copy, not savvy enough.)
HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYONE!

Thursday Countdown 4 weeks until I see Gary and 10 until this difficult time is OVER!

Loads of fun! 

Gary surprises me every day! Its hard for both of us, some days we are feeling the same things and some we try to buoy up one another. This past week one of the days in particular was a little more difficult. I just wanted Gary to be with me, doing what I was doing, spend time with him and Jackson together, to be able to talk to him face to face about the stuff you typically get to discuss with your husband about (the good and bad). I can do that on the phone but its just not the same.

Thanks Michelle for your kindness and
friendship! You are amazing!

God has always sent me people in my life. ALWAYS! Its amazing to see and recognize. On that difficult day a very good friend of mine asked me how I was doing-as she does often. I said okay. She must have sensed something because this time she probed more. I didn't realize how much I was holding in at that moment. Tears I couldn't control welled up in me. She gave me a big hug, let me talk and gave me encouragement. She has sure been there for me through this all, and was guided by the Spirit for sure! Thanks Michelle!

Look how cute. Michelle got us all
bandanna's- even Jackson!  

Later that day when I talked to Gary he too was having a difficult day but told me to go out and do something for someone else. He is amazing. My love for him grows everyday even though I swear there isn't a way to love him more than I already do. So I am wanting to find a cause and do something for it/them/whatever it is. If you have any idea's let me know.

Team Paige's group! (Most of them)

I was able to do the Apraxia walk this week as well. It was fun and cool to feel connected in a small way to a great cause! I want to keep doing things like this often!

No matter how hard this can be I can do 4 weeks! RIGHT? I get to see him in a short (hopefully) 4 weeks.

Even though this is difficult I can't complain. I am blessed. I have a very healthy, happy and good baby. I live with people I love, I have amazing people in my life, and I have the best husband there ever was for me!

Thursday Countdown! 5 weeks until I see Gary and 11 until he is ALL DONE!

He's pretty good at lifting his head

YaWn

This past week has had lots of ups and downs. A good friend of mine took some pictures of Jackson for free for me. Jackson was more fussy that day than I have ever seen him. My friend Duzz says its the camera, it always happens to her. But nonetheless she got some good shots.

So adorable

The beginning of the week was a little more difficult as I feel like I have a million things that I HAVE to do. No I'm not talking about the dishes and other things everyone talks about not worrying about in this stage of having a baby they are all things I don't have a choice in getting done. I need/needed to get Jackson's birth certificate, put him in the military system, fill out everything to get him on the insurance, a few bills I have to figure out, my real estate classes have to be done by may 3rd, figure out if a breast pump is covered or not from insurance, and more.

Jacksons first bath

A little cold after his bath

ALL I have been wanting to do is cuddle with Jackson/focus on him, I started Bikram Yoga to get back in shape and hopefully look as good as I did when I was dating Gary, put together a baby announcement, spend time with family, and read about how to be a good mom.

I like the slightest smile he has

I get to talk to Gary EVERY DAY! Its the best but at the same time there is this mixed feeling as saying goodbye is always hard on me. Mostly on those postnatal hormonal days or times that something goes wrong and I just want Gary there to comfort me. I would much rather have the hard goodbyes though verses what we had in BMT.

STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME!

Squirmy

Gary still wrote me a letter too! He knows how much I love them and so he took some time and wrote to me even though we talk so much. In it he explained all the things that was a benefit of him being gone. One of which I didn't think of but thought was insightful. He explained how its good for me (although difficult) to be getting confident as a mother on my own. I can tend to be a little too dependent on Gary since I see him so highly, and Gary is so good at being there for me. So his point was that I am stronger than I feel like I am and I will gain more confidence and strength at being a mom for the beginning part on my own. I will realize how strong I am and how capable I am to doing a good job. This has helped me A LOT! When something may be difficult I think of how Gary see's this strength in me that I can do this.
Isn't he Great? I think so.

Seriously guys I'm done!

Hungry boy

Cutest pouty face I've ever seen

May 22nd is what gets me through. I fly to see him in Mississippi and he might be able to stay WITH me on the weekend I am there! (instead of having a curfew like the rest of the nights). 5 WEEKS! 5 WEEKS! I can do 5 weeks. July 4th seems daunting but thanks to my mother I have a BOOKED flight!

Countdown THURSdAY- yes thursday 12 weeks to go!

First time holding Jackson

So I realized that Gary gets home on a Thursday so I decided to change my countdown to Thursdays.

There seems to be WAY too much to catch up on everything so I will get the gist down and if you have questions or want to know more you can call/text/facebook me (or come see the little guy for yourself.)

I went and surprised Gary at BMT. It was AMAZING. He didn't know anyone had come at all. At the end of the first event he started walking off with a buddy thinking no one had come. I started calling out his name and when he turned and saw me he instantly teared up and gave me a huge hug. What an amazing reunion after a long 2 months away and only weekly talking of 15 minutes a time. I couldn't have asked for a better surprise.

Gary being funny Gary

Gary was really cute with Jackson. He kept calling him "little guy." He would tell everyone to come see his little guy. (he would do this even before introducing me- he was just a proud daddy!) It was fun to see. It was amazing to have him help me with all the simple things and parts of having a baby. All at the same time it made it all that much harder on me to leave. He was such a tremendous help and it was amazing spending the weekend with him.

Sexy Lyman Boys

Gary is looking amazing. Gary had gained 80ish pounds after we got married. Surprised? I'm not exaggerating! In May he started to loose weight to even be eligible to join the military. He lost 50 pounds by the time he left for boot camp. The past 2 months of brutality he lost another 20! So he is almost back to his premarital weight! He's so HOT! :)

Brag time:

Gary's Dorm

Gary graduated BMT with HONORS! Just so you know this is AMAZING. only about 70 people got honors out of 700! So about 10%. You have to excel in every area to get it. Gary did absolutely amazing at boot camp and I can't tell you how PROUD I am of him. He was looked up to, admired and asked for help by his fellow airman. He gave blessings, brought 15 people to church with him once, helped out others when they would have gotten into trouble if he didn't and so much more. This story is basically the story of how amazing he was.   There was once where his whole flight was at the dorm and many of them were laying down. The MTI came knocked and everyone jumped to their feet and when he came in he asked what all the wresting around was. Then asked who was laying on their beds. Even though many of them were Gary steps out and owns up to his actions. Only one other person stepped forward after. His MTI had a big respect for Gary because of his actions, obedience, tough, and amazing he was. He even got a big compliment from him at the graduation saying how good he did. -As the MTI went down the row he didn't say things to many and only a few others did he even comment on.

Caught a little smile-Gas?

There are so many stories and things that has happened. I am so incredibly happy I got to go see him even though leaving was the hardest thing on me. I didn't think about me leaving him only the arrival and spending time with him. So the leaving came as quite a shock and realization that I was going back home to do it all alone again. Soon enough this will all be over and Gary and I will be all that much stronger for it.

Family photo!

I love Gary so much. His sacrifice and hard work for Jackson and I are amazing and I couldn't be more proud. He is such a sweetheart to me and says just the things I need him to. I am sure blessed.

A quick update…. Plus countdown Tuesday- but less than a week I get to see him.

For those of you that don’t know I AM A MOTHER NOW! I gave birth to Jackson Richard March 27^th. He was 8 pounds 1 ounce.  There is a lot to this story alone which I can’t go into right now as I don’t have the time.  So stay tuned.

Easter outfit! 

Jackson has been a great boy. Doesn’t cry much and is very healthy. I am also doing good- especially as I am looking forward to going to see Gary. AND SURPRISE HIM! I can’t stop thinking about it and every night I count down until I get to see him, I imagine what to wear, do and how it will be like for Gary to see his little guy for the very first time. I can’t stop talking about it when people come to visit.

Once again I feel very blessed and grateful that everything has been working out the way it has. God has sure blessed us and I want to exclaim it.

I had to be the one to make the decision about getting induced last Tuesday night. My doctor said that I wasn’t at a favorable cervix but she would do it if I wanted. She let me take some time and as I thought tears rolled. When she came back in she asked what I was feeling –sheepishly crying I said that I feel like I am going between my desires and what’s best for the baby. She reassured me that getting induced wasn’t going to hurt the baby and to take all the motherly instincts out of it. It merely brought up the chances of a c-section to 10% chance or a little more.  So once I really thought about it the chance of getting to see Gary was worth the chance and pain of getting a c-section in the end. I know I was risking a lot because I really did NOT want a c-section but I miss Gary so much and want to see him, and have Gary see Jackson that I couldn’t not take that chance.

Everything went well. My doctor was surprised at how well in fact. I am doing good and I get to see Gary Thursday! I’m surprising him. Which I will also get to another time.

Time to feed the external parasite now…. Owie! Wish me luck J

Tuesday Countdown: 7 weeks down 14 to go

Its been a pretty good week. Things have been so busy that it really has helped have the time go by. Gary has done amazing at BMT (boot camp). This past week he had something called beast week. They leave their normal corridors and go somewhere else. They sleep on cots and are outside in the heat doing competition things (this is what I understand it to be.) He didn't get much sleep but he had such a positive attitude about it all it was amazing. He got something called marksmen. They do shooting with different guns and you have to get a certain score to be called marksman and he got it! This just gives him a stripe on his uniform. His flight also got something called "Beast Excellence." As far as my understanding this is given because his flight did the best in the competitions over the week.

Hopefully the last pregnancy picture.
39 and 1/2 weeks 

As for me I had a lot going on from my doctors appointment to getting everything bought before this baby comes, I had a baby shower, family events, trying to finish real estate classes, and organizing everything. Yesterday was a fun day. I went to my parents house where my sister and her kids were. We went down to the church and we played basketball. Some of you might think, "Hello you are nine months prego. What are you thinking." It's surprising how much you really can keep doing when your pregnant. I love basketball and my mom kept commenting on how hard I still play. My dad was cute too as he isn't typically the concerned type or one to say much but he would keep asking if I was alright. I also played jump rope with the kids just like recess in elementary. I sure got comments from my parents during that activity. :) I was fine! That night I went and watched the movie Parental Guidance with my mom.  I thought the movie was good and had a great meaning to it. It made me cry, probably mostly because of all the pregnancy hormones but also because it made me miss Gary so much.
It also made today harder for me. Today I have a doctors appointment and this is where she see's if I have progressed any and see the chance of inducing me. IF I have progressed I can be induced, and in the end get to go see Gary graduate if everything goes well. IF I haven't then I have to wait for this baby to come. I have imagined the reconnecting moment with Gary at his graduation probably a million times and watching him interact with his new baby. I even imagined an outfit for Jackson, certain pictures with Gary and SO much. Its been on my mind all too often.
With all this said, last night in tears as I prayed I told God I trust whatever his plan is. I can't do anything else but trust it as Gary and I BOTH feel like God has been so good to us and blessed us so much. I know God's plan is better than anything that I have. I didn't know my life could be so good, but as I feel this was God's plan and direction for my life I trust with all my heart whatever he gives and plans for us. The hard, the good, the sadness, the happiness and struggles, the everything. God is good.
My sister in law Mallory has just told me the meaning of Jackson. I feel like its SO fitting and love the name even MORE now. "In American the meaning of the name Jackson is: God has been gracious"

Reaching OUT!

I’ve been thinking a lot this year about how amazingly strong some people I know are. They have gone through some huge struggles and then they reach out and give back. When my good friend, Briana’s daughter was (I think) 2 years old she was diagnosed with cancer. At the year mark of her diagnosis she threw a big blood drive and kit assembly for the hospital-and continues to do so yearly.

My missionary ‘mom’ or trainer had been told while only a few months along that the baby wouldn’t live if she made it to birth. Her baby lived for 4 days and just recently collected onesies  for the hospital as they were given one for their daughter. 

Another great friend and one whom I consider family-Michelle had her daughter pre-diagnosed with apraxia, which makes it hard for her very smart daughter to formulate speech. She has just found a “Utah Walk for Children with Apraxia.”  

Before Gary left I told him that I want to do something too. I wanted to find where there is a need and make a project out of it and invite people to join. As I am only a week and a half away from delivery I realize I don’t have the umph or ability to put something together right now. I decided whenever I see something that’s going on-like this walk- I would join and put it on my blog in hopes people would also join in with me.

TEAM PAIGE!

So my first Reaching Out is “Utah Walk for Children with Apraxia.” 

Michelle’s adorable little girl Paige is 3 years old. There is a “team Paige” for this event. Please sign up for this team if you are going to do this.

Here is the link- 

http://secure.apraxia-kids.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=1058942&lis=0&kntae1058942=0B6C400354BD4EC98458380CABDB6844&team=5451011

(sorry I’m not blog savvy and don’t know how to do the cool click button thing.) I plan on doing this walk and if any of you would like to join Jackson and I it would sure be a blast!