My sister is Atheist, my brother is Gay, I am Mormon and I’m
loving life.
When I got home from my mission it was one of my most
difficult times of my life. When I left for my mission it was drastically
different than when I came home a mere 18 months later. I got to go to the MTC
with my best friend by my side as she was going to Ukraine for her mission. My
sister didn’t believe in the LDS church any more but was attending the local
Lutheran church. The rest of my siblings believed and mostly were active. This
is how it was when I left.
The most difficult part of my mission was coming HOME. I
could barely get in a word edgewise about my mission the day I got home. I was
quickly told to get my skirt off and tag. My siblings and friend had even
started talking about sex in a crass way that I was not used to. To top it off
2 days later I was on a cruise, in a swimsuit, seeing some of my siblings
drink, others dirty dance, and talked about things in a very crass and crude
way. I was shocked and didn’t really
know how to take it all in and what to make of it all.
In time I found out that my sister didn’t believe in Christ.
This was difficult as I have always looked up to, respected, and admired Lisa
(as I still do) as she has been the best sister- often times my second mom in
which I so desperately needed- to me throughout my entire life. We would have
discussions that would challenge what I was so certain of before and now didn’t
have the foggiest clue. It seemed as though everything I once knew was a mere
thought that had blown away that I didn’t know how to hold on to-but
desperately wanted. This continued as I
found out that she didn’t even believe in a God. MY SISTER IS AN ATHEIST!? Hmmm…. Wait… how? …What? In a seemingly average LDS home growing up, all of us
going on missions, strong at one point…. And now ATHIEST!? It brought my mind
into many different places I don’t think most LDS people will allow themselves
to go. Although difficult I have learned so much from allowing my mind to be
open and I’m so happy I did.
As time went on I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be but
still believed. I fell madly in love with my now husband, who has a very
conservative family. (This isn’t to sound bad at all-It’s just very different
than mine.) Gary was the least conservative but still very strong. In the
beginning of our marriage I think the liberalness of my family was a little
shocking to him but I couldn’t be more grateful for how he has handled it all.
Not only did Gary love my family and not judge them he had an open mind with
what they were saying and understood where I was coming from with my
difficulties. If not for all the million other reasons this guy is perfect for me
this was a massive one. I struggled and if my husband had a closed mind to all
the thoughts and differences to what he believed we probably wouldn’t have made
it. Although it was still difficult not knowing where we stood in the midst of
my very liberal family and his very conservative family. We discussed, talked,
cried, questioned, waivered, and very much struggled with all the confusing
information we had going on in our heads.
In the midst my best friend, closest brother and guy I think
so highly of and love so much told us that he was gay. No matter what anyone
else thinks most of you don’t have a clue how you would really feel or act if
this happened to you. More than anything I just wanted him to know I loved him
and didn’t care. He was the same brother, same amazing guy that I still feel so
close to. But wait this is yet another
thing that contradicts my previous beliefs.
What should I feel, how should I think? I needed to figure this out
without everyone else telling me what to think and how to feel. I came to one
strong conclusion: LOVE. I do not need to condemn, look down upon or even think
less of how high I hold him in-and so I don’t.
This is the same with all of my siblings.
One of my most favorite scriptures:
Romans 8: 35, 37-39
35. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall
tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or
sword?
37. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors throw him that loved
us.
38. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor
principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39. Nor height, no depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us
from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
How can we as Christians be so harsh on others when all we
need to do is LOVE. There is so much looking down on, seeing others as less,
not as righteous, not as spiritual, not as ‘strong,’ one who misses out, or
even see their life as sad. I’m sorry for those who feel this way because you
are missing out on a profound experience of what LOVE really is. One of the
most difficult things about being LDS is seeing, hearing, and being judged so
much (all by your peers from church). There is SO much judgment that flows
out-and I believe this happens because we feel so strongly about what we do
believe, so it becomes all too natural to see the so called sins of everyone
around. Think of the adulterer in the Bible who Christ so quickly forgave (AN
ADULTERER!) this showed all those who were judging her and wanting to stone her
how much THEY were in the wrong.
I have always had a bit more of an open mind to differences.
I have had such diverse friends and some very different than me. I have learned
so much from everyone else and the different lives they have led. Like I have
said, my sister is Atheist, my brother is gay and I am LDS and I love life. I
love my family so very much, for all they have taught me and the true meaning
of learning not to be judgmental and just LOVE.
To those who have a closed mind to other things that might
be different to what you currently believe I will quote Phoebe from Friends:
(Background: Phoebe and Ross have been arguing about
evolution. Phoebe isn’t so convinced that evolution happened. So Ross brings a
briefcase of things to convince her that it is undoubtedly real. As he starts
Phoebe cuts him off and says:
“Ross could you just open your mind like this much. Now
wasn’t there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the
earth was flat? And up until what like, 50 years ago you all thought the atom
was the smallest thing until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came
out? NOW are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you
can’t admit that there is a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong
about this?”
I do feel very blessed in my life. I am not saying you
should doubt your beliefs in the slightest. I know how incredibly blessed I
have been and see Gods hand in my life. But because I have had an open mind to
other things I can see where people are coming from, understand them as close
as I feel like a person could and like Christ ultimately does. I don’t know all
the answers to my questions let alone everyone else’s. But I am not going to
say that they are 100% wrong and would have such a better life the way I live
it. Or even say that I am 100% right. I believe, I have faith and I have no
room to say that I am right, you are wrong. I will live to what I feel is
right, let others live the same way and LOVE everyone.
Now let me say I am not trying to sound all high and mighty.
I am in no way perfect in this or in life. I have many faults, downsides and
just like everyone else have my demons that I fight. But I do feel strongly (if
you can’t tell) about all of this. I love life. I have learned to embrace it,
take it in as it is. If people don’t love me it doesn’t mean I can’t love them.
I don’t know their situation, I don’t know their life and I have just learned
to (and sometimes still learning to) love and love as much as I can. I can’t
explain how bright life is these days.
Even though I have my difficulties, struggles and hard days I have an
amazing and more than fitting husband for me, about to have our first kid,
friends and family that are so good to me, and a God who is very prevalent in
my life.
I will say it for a third time: My sister is atheist, my
brother is gay, I am Mormon and I LOVE LIFE.
