New experience= New ME... old=old me.

As I am down here in st george I love new adventures and almost feel like you get a new start at being you because no one knows you and doesn't have any normal labels or thoughts about who you are. BUT my big question is how can you change the you from the past with people then?
Did you ever have someone that you always wanted to be friends with and it just didn't seem to work? I did. I still see her and I still want it but it just doesn't ever seem to flow. I am awkward and can't seem to forget the scar that was given to me about her. MEANING- When I was younger I really liked this friend. I wanted to be closer and so I was trying. THEN my friend Jackie (names changed for sake of my own) told me that Ashley doesn't like me. That I am not good enough for her, that I am weird. From that point I was hurt, confused and didn't know what to think.
As time went on my Jackie did this again with another mutual friend of ours. I caught on this time. She didn't like that I was so called, 'stealing her friends away' and to get me away from them but keep our friendship okay was to tell me that THEY said THEY didn't like me and didn't want to play again.
But for some reason I have never gotten over the scar that came with Ashley. I KNOW that Ashley doesn't feel like that. Maybe it's because for so long I really did think she was better than I, that she is fun, outgoing, gorgeous, talented, popular and I am not and that there isn't a way she would like me. I liked her, really wanted-want to be her friend but somehow I clam up, get awkward and don't know how to calm myself. I remember in high school she was an SBO and very popular. I was in math class and some people were bad talking about her. I instantly stuck up for her- not even a thought about it. They listened to me too.
Now Ashley even taught me a few things. She is very smart and practical, and takes life as it comes. Our SBO presidents when we were juniors got in a car accident a year after she graduated (when we were seniors) and passed away. Alicia knew her and was good friends. It was hard and I remember one statement that she said that never left, "When you think of your future and what you want to do, you never think that you might not have one." It was a concept I had never even come close to thinking of. It was one that brought a lot of thought provoking questions.

ANYwaY, I just saw Ashley and she is so very fun, nice etc etc. It just made me think of all these things and wanted to vent. How do I stop being even the person she see's. I really am different but I totally live up to the old me when I get around people of that era.

Sorry... it may take a week or two

Just so you all know life has been a little hectic right now! We found out we started school monday instead of wednesday. SO we took a quick trip to st george and back to SLC to get back for the weekend. THEN had a get together with friends, family reunion, birthday dinner, take bro-in law shopping to make him a stud, pack up the rest of our stuff up and get home at 2:00 a.m. just to unpack and wake up for school the next day. I am taking 15 credit hours and Monday night I started work (until midnight too!)
NOT COMPLAINING! I definitely plan my life like I have 40 hours in a day at times. BUT I like it.
needless to say this is the first time I have been able to look at this. I missed a few posts that I will still have to get too but... all in due time.
THANKS... I think I will try a few posts of poems too.

a-z about me

A-Z... All About Me!

I thought this looked kind of fun- I stole this from a friends blog... thats legal right? :)

A. age: 25 (almost 26!)

B. bed size: king

C. chore you hate: Unloading the dishwasher (weird I know)

D. dogs: one day

E. essential start to your day: CHEESE! (to see gary)

F. favorite color: green

G. gold or silver: Silver ALL THE WAY

H. height: 5'10"

I. instruments you play: right hand on the piano. :)

J. job title: wife, student, librarian assistant

K. kids: not for a little longer!

L. live: St George Utah in a Condo

M. maiden name: Broome

N. nicknames: Ju, Jubee, Fro, Jewels. by gary: love, babe

O. overnight hospital stays: through all my broken arms and stitches and staples NEVER stayed at the hospital

P. pet peeve: Judgemental people, smacking, tapping in quiet places.

Q. quote: "First seek to understand, then to be understood." "The big one's the sun" "The Yellow ones don't stop" :)

R. righty or lefty: right

S. siblings: 5 (not counting in laws)

T. time you wake up: Differs. I'm mostly a morning person. 8-9

U. university attending/ed: well, does Dixie count?

V. vegetables you dislike: LIMA BEANS! EW (I used to tell people I was allergic)

W. what makes you run late: If I know everyone else is going to be late.

X. x-rays you’ve had: dentist and when i broke my wrist (3 times) and arm.

Y. yummy food: Strawberry shortcake, ZUPAS, hawaiian haystacks.

Z. zoo animal favorite: Elephants, I love how smart they are. The fun shows they put on are cute too. I would love to ride one one day.

Tribute to Jen Rigby

JENNFER RIGBY
My Room Roommate

(Isn't her family so adorable)

I couldn't have asked for a better room roommate. I don't even think I know the change she made in me. This girl has an effect on everyone around her. All of the roommates loved her, looked up to her, and she was one full of wit, beauty, ability to be outgoing with anyone.
One of Jen's best qualities in a nutshell is her happiness. In the midst of ME being ME at that time in my life she always had the ability to make me smile.
I remember the treasured moments of us staying up late talking or Jen pretending to be asleep so I would stop talking! :) We had nights of random things as well, like singing our favorite primary songs. Yes both in bed, lights off, late at night singing primary songs. We might be weird but it sure brightened my days.
Jen is very grateful! I remember days that I would clean our bedroom-the entirety and her gratitude with my little act of service made me feel amazing.
Jen is VERY smart! She was always an inspiration to me. She had an academic scholarship to BYU (for those of you that don't know how impressive that is-its VERY difficult to obtain this.) I being so apathetic about school at the time saw this example often.
Jen is very Faithful! Not only as a friend that I always knew I could rely on, but in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It wasn't very often that she would go to bed without reading her scriptures and praying. I never knew such a faithful girl at our age. I at first was a little sheepish starting to follow her example and became prideful in the midst. In the end I wanted to, gave up my pride and started reading at the same time. This was HUGE for me. I never was a reader, let alone the scriptures. I knew Jen helped me and influenced me so much that in the end prepared me for my mission. Her spirit and strength is so encouraging.
Jen is very witty! Quick to her feet at a good joke and good at taking them too (although she seemed to be on top a lot in the end)
Jen is SO FUN! Her outgoing spirit made everything you did with her so fun. (her with the squinting face laughing so hard-her hubby right next)
Jen was always happy! I remember thinking, "I am her roommate I should of all people see this girl break down sometime." I am not saying she didn't have down days or stressful days because she did but she always seemed to be "present." If she was hanging out with all of us she wasn't all sad or stressed because of this or that.
One story that I will forever hold on to is a simple trip to Seven Peaks. I felt so great that I got to be with Jen. Just her and I on this fun trip to Seven Peaks. For those of you that really know me I like deep conversations and with that I remember asking Jen some question. As we talked she became very blunt (a thing I actually love when people are) and as she continued she said, "you know what? When you are sad its not fun, its hard. BUT when you are happy its the funnest thing in the world." She went on with how great it is when I was happy and being who I truly was. Little did she know how much I would take this to heart and that is the time I really began on focusing on the positive, trying to be happy-so I could be fun! I always wanted to be fun, happy and outgoing. I just never thought of myself with the ability to do so.
All of this doesn't seem to express the true things Jen really did for me. She didn't just tell me to be more happy and then things will be great. She said "I've seen this in you, I know its a part of you. You can be happy. AND I will be an example of it the entire 2 years we will live together."

I absolutely LOVE this girl. I know we will be friends that lasts a lifetime. When I catch up with her with having kids and being in that part of life I hope we can have more treasured memories.

I can't adequately explain the amount of change this SINGLE person has had on in my life. I hope one day she knows.

Poems

So I was told that I should put the poems I write on my blog. I keep going back and forth about this one for a few reasons. First of all, I usually write poems when I am sad, angry, confused. I don't often have poems that are all happy and uplifting. Second, I have only ever shared my poems with people I am very close with.

Do you all want to hear my poems? I know life isn't always great and I really want this blog to be about LIFE and so sometimes sad or real things will be posted.

Before I put a poem on I really want to get your opinion.

Want to hear my poems even if they are a little down?
(no offense if you'd rather not!) Just comment

Tribute to Brittny Bird

Brittny Bird
sorry once again I am not at home for my own pictures of the old days.

As I was thinking tonight about Brittny I realized that she had a few different effects on me but also on all roommates as a whole. First off Brittny is a very touchy and lovey type of person. I didn’t really have friends like that before. It’s all very simple but it made me feel loved. I feel like she was an effect on all of us as a whole. We all quickly became comfortable and open with everything together. I have some of the funniest memories because of this. From walking out of the bathroom with 3 people mooning me to frozen bra’s and so many more that will forever be kept a part of our roommate memories.
But the simple touches that Britt brought to our apartment is invaluable. Think I’m weird if you may but the simple head on my lap, hugs, hold of my arm as we walk, the pats, the random kisses on the cheeks brought a whole new perspective of showing friends that you care, feel comfortable with them, and are there for you. I love that about Brittny It’s just who she IS.
Britt was always most mysterious to me. She is mature, independent, tall, blue eyed, blonde hair, skinny with a figure, smart, wanted something and did it. I didn’t know her deepest thoughts, her struggles, her feelings about a lot of things. I always wondered if she struggles, gets sad, mad, or even furious. She didn’t show a lot of herself…at least not too me. I don’t blame her or hate her for it I mostly still look at her and wonder all of the same things.
I love her no matter what though. I love when she gets giddy and excited it makes me happy and smile even thinking about it. I always felt excited that I at least got to see this part of her-even though I will always wish to know all of her!
She is fun and outgoing, happy, and I sure love her.
I will forever be grateful of the many ‘touches’ that calmed my soul. One day I hope she knows that I think very highly of her. I never knew if she thought of me, or if she wondered if I didn't like her. But nonetheless, she made an affect not only on me, but I would say all of us roommates as a whole.

Tender Mercy Thursday

Tender Mercy Thursday/kind of an extension of tribute Tuesday

On my mission we would always notice all of these “tender mercy’s” in our life no matter how difficult things got it was very apparent that God was still aware of us and sent these little things our way to help us through.
Well yesterday there were MANY things that were tender mercy’s.
I was at the airport flying standby to South Carolina I was #18 and there were only 17 seats. When I checked in I somehow became 17th and made the first flight to JFK. In JFK there was only 5 seats left and I was 14. I knew I was going to have to wait until the next flight and I was getting all ready to be relaxed when they called me up and I was able to go on. No shows? I know it was a tender mercy all because I got here in South Carolina and get to be here with Emily.

Tender mercy #3 I was able to sleep pretty good on the airplane which is usually very difficult for me. (Especially since I had a good nap that day) –new found friend of Dramamine.

Yes I had this mask on to help!
I just absolutely love Emily (have I said that before?) She is the BEST! I love just hanging out. Her family is so kind and generous and makes it even more enjoyable. I was able to get another nap in, watch a movie, eat really good food, ect.
But the best part of it all was right before bed. They have this guest bedroom that is so quaint and cute. 2 single beds set up that reminded me of college. For a lot of the long talk I kept feeling like all my worries weren’t there and I was back at college getting close to a wonderful friend. Even though we stayed up way too late it was well worth it. We decided we should try to sleep at 2 a.m. because there really was the cutest little kid waking up in all too short of a time. I laid there in bed feeling a happy high. I just love Emily and our discussion was exactly what I needed. I felt so happy, grateful, loved and felt like for a time I got back a part of what I missed out on back in college because of my depressive state.
I kept thinking throughout my long talk with Emily about my blog post about her. I felt every word! I am so comfortable with her, I love her openness and welcome talks. I love her smile, comforting words, happiness and oh so much more I don’t know how to put into words.
The happy high kept me up thinking about how amazing Emily is. This led me to realize how blinded we are to our own self worth, our own power, our own personal strength. I felt like I only can see a glimpse of how majestic Emily is—and know God see’s the entire thing. I love seeing the superlative part in people. It makes me happy, it inspires me, I feel it gives me a glimpse of the vision through God’s eyes.
I love people, I love the power within ourselves because we are children of GOD. We don’t even know the powers we hold. Most of all I love simple days like yesterday that became the biggest tender mercy. I have only been here one day too!  Love being here.
With all my love to God, all of you, my life, and EMILY.

Tribute to Emily Marie Copeland

Tribute Tuesday

Gorgeous! No matter what! Hair long, short, bangs. bangless... always a hotty!

Man I just LOVE this girl. I always have from the get go. She is a doll. Just look at her! How could you NOT?

I will forever remember the day she moved in. I was a little intimidated. She was beautiful, played the harp, fun and did I say gorgeous. Here I was so random, different, and scared. Oh how perfect she was is. I LOVE how open she is! I love our relationship even now! I could ask her ANYTHING and not feel awkward about it. I could tell her anything and not feel awkward either.

Ok to start off, as you all know I was having a difficult time in my life when I went down to college. My roommates had different effects on me in my life. Emily was my listener, one who had empathy and one that I could be absolutely me and she loved me still. As I would tell her ALL of my struggles she would sit there and listen so intently. I remember her worrying all the time and saying “I don’t know what to say. I am not the best with advice.” Little did she know that I really needed someone to listen, care, love me. She didn’t know those words of wanting to help touched me because I felt her sincerity. I once again felt like someone cared in the midst of my hatred.

There is one story that still gets me teary eyed and makes me just want to SCREAM with my gratitude for her. On a not so abnormal day I was SO sad. I can’t even remember the exact reasons behind it but I just let everything out. I was in my room on my little single bed. I began to cry, you could probably even call it sobbing. I instantly felt Emily’s thoughts of wanting to help so badly and not knowing exactly what to do. Then she laid next to me, basically letting me cry in her arms. She didn’t say a lot but she cried WITH me. I don’t know why it was so significant at the time but her crying with me made me feel SO loved. It still touches my heart because of how much it moved me.

I have many fond memories of us, especially the “trio” Jen Bowman her and I were very close and did a lot of things together. I missed them so much when they moved out together! I loved the trips to Washington I went on with Emily. Her family is fun, amazing, and I just love the welcome they always have for me. I felt like a part of the family from the beginning and I loved it. I treasure those times.

I have never felt judged by anything I do with Emily around. My husband adores her as well and says how comfortable he feels around her. She is all smiles and fun. I can never thank her enough for simply WHO SHE IS, for the effect she has had on in my life, for the tender memories I have of us as roommates the all too short of a year and a half, and for the love and understanding she has for all those around her especially at the time in my life when I needed someone exactly like her.

As time goes on and we have our own separate lives I still treasure the times I get to be around her.

Emily Marie, I hope for always we will be friends. I hope for always you know how much you mean to me and meant at the pivotal time in my life. I hope for always that you know I will do anything for you. So don’t hesitate to ask! I hope for always that you feel loved beyond measure! Because you deserve it!

Much love,

ME

PS Sorry I am out of town and so I couldn't use my own pictures of Emily and I from our trips and fun times...so these are just FB pics BUT I couldn't wait to do hers! (I mean currently as I type its not even tuesday, I will just wait to post)