New experience= New ME... old=old me.

As I am down here in st george I love new adventures and almost feel like you get a new start at being you because no one knows you and doesn't have any normal labels or thoughts about who you are. BUT my big question is how can you change the you from the past with people then?
Did you ever have someone that you always wanted to be friends with and it just didn't seem to work? I did. I still see her and I still want it but it just doesn't ever seem to flow. I am awkward and can't seem to forget the scar that was given to me about her. MEANING- When I was younger I really liked this friend. I wanted to be closer and so I was trying. THEN my friend Jackie (names changed for sake of my own) told me that Ashley doesn't like me. That I am not good enough for her, that I am weird. From that point I was hurt, confused and didn't know what to think.
As time went on my Jackie did this again with another mutual friend of ours. I caught on this time. She didn't like that I was so called, 'stealing her friends away' and to get me away from them but keep our friendship okay was to tell me that THEY said THEY didn't like me and didn't want to play again.
But for some reason I have never gotten over the scar that came with Ashley. I KNOW that Ashley doesn't feel like that. Maybe it's because for so long I really did think she was better than I, that she is fun, outgoing, gorgeous, talented, popular and I am not and that there isn't a way she would like me. I liked her, really wanted-want to be her friend but somehow I clam up, get awkward and don't know how to calm myself. I remember in high school she was an SBO and very popular. I was in math class and some people were bad talking about her. I instantly stuck up for her- not even a thought about it. They listened to me too.
Now Ashley even taught me a few things. She is very smart and practical, and takes life as it comes. Our SBO presidents when we were juniors got in a car accident a year after she graduated (when we were seniors) and passed away. Alicia knew her and was good friends. It was hard and I remember one statement that she said that never left, "When you think of your future and what you want to do, you never think that you might not have one." It was a concept I had never even come close to thinking of. It was one that brought a lot of thought provoking questions.

ANYwaY, I just saw Ashley and she is so very fun, nice etc etc. It just made me think of all these things and wanted to vent. How do I stop being even the person she see's. I really am different but I totally live up to the old me when I get around people of that era.