One week! the real countdown!

Steph and adorable Summer

I can't believe its finally here. One week to go! I am so excited.
Not much new has happened. I went to St George again! This time we got to go with Anders and Stephanie. (Our cousins). They are really fun, laid back and make vacationing what it should be! ...Thanks for letting me tag along with you!

He constantly stared at the water- so cool I guess!

Lymans had this fun floaty. He didn't mind it even though the
sun was in his face. He just relaxed.

I took Jackson swimming! SO FUN! He loved it. I thought he would be fussy but nope! He was great! It was a fun fun weekend! This weekend a bunch of friends of mine are going to bear lake! So I have kept myself busy which has helped with the time going by faster. I'm excited for the weekend.

We totally wore him out! Slept so much this day!

I'm generally not quick to anger but I do get there sometimes. Gary has helped toned me down with this. He is so good, never raises his voice and so I have yet to do so to him. This has helped me learn to react in a more positive way. I hope to continue not to yell, or get overly angry with my kids when they do infuriating things in my eyes. Today I was reading a post from a blog. One thing he said stuck out to me, "Anger is almost always an emotion who wish to control others while simultaneously failing to control themselves."

The Kids loved holding him.

SO TRUE! I never really thought of it that way. I want so bad to be a good mother... no a great mother. I know I will have my downfalls, days that I will feel like I failed, and days that will be hard not to just get mad. But if I can keep this in mind, remember that this child looks up to me as if I was their everything, remember that I can't control them but can best control myself and hope they do the best they can, then that should be good enough. 

Confessions of a first time mom:

I never have seen Jackson stare at someone
as much as he did with Melody. He would
stare and smile and did it for quite a while!
Crush might I say? :) Melody says she's too
old and he can't anyway because their cousins!
Cute Melody! :)

I read an article about how parents clean pacifiers after fallen on the ground. One set of parents would run it under hot water and the other just sucked on it and gave it back to the child. After a few years they went back and checked on these kids and the children with the parents that cleaned the binkie under hot water actually more often had allergies, asthma and other things like that than those mothers that just sucked on the binkie. 

After reading this YES I became a 'suck on the binkie' mother! Gross? oh well. 

2 weeks... YES I SAID THAT RIGHT! 2 WEEKS!

I can't believe Gary gets home in two weeks! Its getting so close... some days it still seems like a lifetime away. But its coming! Things have been pretty good for the most part. I am getting tired of basically being a single parent. Although I do have a lot of help and wonderful friends and family that take him I am just excited not to wonder if I am asking others too much for their help. Gary will be here to help.
Here's a shout out to all that I must thank!
I am SO grateful. First off, my best friend and brother Kevin always runs in to help with the carseat and spoils me with many things! We have great talks and although we have many different beliefs I feel we have a connection that will last forever. We get each other, are there for each other and though I feel like the lucky one of the two I am sure happy we are the friends we are! He has watched Jackson and made me laugh with the way he entertained him while I was gone. Thanks!
Second, my amazing sister and one I look up to as her mothering is amazing! She has done SO many things for me as Gary has been gone. I can't even explain the amount of generosity she has given me. She was there at my birthing class, at the hospital (sleeping there with me too), the first few days at home with Jackson, many meals, many invites to her house, Easter surprise, did I say many meals? my first mothers day care package!, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, she has been a listening ear to my long ramblings. I love her and can't thank her enough.
Third, Michelle. She has brightened many days! With her sweet thoughtful texts checking up on me, the cutest gifts she has sent to me just randomly, and with her visits, friendship and great talks it has made this trek a bit easier on me...all because of what some people might think of as little things, but for me they were HUGE! Thanks so much!
Fourth, Julie, Rick, Brianna, Brooke, and Mikki. They are the family I live with. Not only have they opened their home to me they accept me and love me for me. They have helped immensely with Jackson. I have done yoga, many store trips, a real estate test prep class (a long one too), taken long hot showers, worked out, and have been able to play kickball on a league because of all their help and generosity of their time. They are my right hand and I WOULD NOT have been able to do it without them right here in the same home helping me.

I don't disregard all of you that have given gifts, send love and support, called me, encouraged me and have been there for me these past months. You all are my life savers. And I thank you!

3 Weeks! Slowly but surely.

3 weeks left to go! This seems so close and yet some days I just don't want to wait any longer. I realized something the other day. I was missing Gary a little- for some reason being a tad emotional. I stopped myself in trying to push all my feelings to the side by saying what I always say "its only....this much.... time left." this CAN be a good tactic but it can also be bad. This time it was bad because I just needed to feel what I was feeling. 

All too often we as people tend to try and push aside feelings of sadness, frustration, and stress because they are 'negative.' But if we just sit with the feeling and let yourself go through that emotion I feel often times we would be able to get past it instead of just ignoring it. Its a hard concept to explain but feel what you are going through... because its okay. Its okay that I was missing Gary. Its okay that I didn't even want to wait 3 more weeks. And even okay to be a little down for a time about it all. It didn't take long for me to get over as Gary called and listened to me and of course made me feel like a million bucks. 

In our relationship I am more of the 'fix the problem' and Gary is the 'just listen to me' kind. So at times when I shouldn't be fixing he fills in and helps me be okay with where I am at. 

Moving on.

Can you tell how big he is?

Jackson has been GROWING LIKE A WEED! At his 2 month appointment he was in the 91st % in weight and 94th in height! This was over 3 weeks ago! And I don't know if he is going through another growth spurt because he is feeding often again. Jackson is taller than his cousin that is 5 months old is about the same weight. 

He is starting to laugh more and smile a lot. Its getting really fun and I am excited for Gary to come be a part of it. He isn't rolling over and doesn't even seem like he is trying. He LOVES to stand on his feet though, and sitting up. He gets restless laying down all the time. He sometimes gets fussy just for some attention-its kind of cute. 

My sweet sister holding Jackson after a blow out.
She loved holding him. It was cute.

I am one LUCKY mother. He isn't one of those babies that never cries but he is so good for my needs. He has been on 9 flights! (up and downs on an airplane) because of all the layovers I had getting to San Antonio and then to Mississippi. We just took a road trip to St George and did WONDERFUL. We will be going again soon and also to Bear Lake. I love the kid so much and glad he is good for me for all that I put him through. 

Confessions of a first time mom:

Jackson sleeps on his stomach. The hospital has "back is best" everywhere so being a first time mom it was hard when he wouldn't sleep very well on his back. He sleeps a ton better on his stomach. I felt guilty like I was chancing my child's life because I didn't choose to make him sleep on his back. Don't get me wrong, probably two to four times a month I think he isn't breathing and have adrenaline shoot through my body like no other. But I have found that as a mother you have to do whatever works for you. 

4 Weeks which is 28 days or 672 hours

A fun walk on the beach

At the Biloxi visitors center

All that was left of a house after
Hurricane Katrina... a chimney

I can't even begin to explain the past 2 weeks for me. More and MORE blessings happened and I got to have Gary all to myself from Friday to Monday. Then a few hours at night the other days I was there. HEAVEN. We had a very nice couple take us around and show us sights and had a lot of fun. We ended up watching all three Back to the Future movies because I had never seen them before. (those who know me well are but aren't at the same time surprised :) right?)

Jackson was hilarious on our plane ride back. During the day flight when he would look out the window he would do this funny squint face because of the brightness and then look away. The funniest part is he kept looking out and doing the same thing. During the night flight I was right by the wing and there were flashing lights and he would stare out the window not moving for a good amount of time and then start looking around again and then find himself looking out the window again in a trance. Its nice that this age flashing lights entertain the kid.
There were still many places and lots that had the effects shown from Hurricane Katrina. So many damages done and lots emptied. Some places had a mark of how high the water got to and others only had chimneys left. It was crazy to see how bad the damages were. I began to question peoples logic of why they would live in such a place that their lives go into shambles that quickly. I am not a native so I don't think I will ever understand that.

Out to eat with Kimpels, They were the ones who took us out on the town to see sights!

I'm on the downward spiral and I just know Gary coming home will come quickly. I am so excited and have this energy that is fun to have because of it. Sorry for a short post but I have to get ready I'm going to St George today! :) I love my life.

first time Jackson stood on grass

they look so alike right? :)

The airplane was a little harder this trip
but at the same time more fun.

hanging out at the hotel