Time-- another Poem

This is a poem I wrote for a presentation I had to give on paying more attention to our kids. It was suppose to be a persuasive presentation to get everyone to be on the side I was taking. Anyway, I came up with this poem.

I remember the days of laughter and carefree,

we played a lot and was happy as can be.

Slowly by slowly you both were gone so much,

so busy with work, or school, or church and such.

Alone I sit wanting to be cared for,

I was so excited when you walked through the door.

I asked you to come outside and play,

All you said was, "I'm too tired, I had a hard day."

So now I'm alone again and you don't care,

because all you wanted was me out of your hair.

I don't hate you, I just want you to take time for me,

I'm so important to you don't you see?

TRiBuTE TuEsdAy

Tribute to My BEST FRIEND Jerilyn Joyce Brunson, My sister, my confidant

The one that has been there from the beginning to the end- the hard through the great.

I have avoided doing a tribute to Jerilyn for a few reasons. One, I can place her at almost any time in my life. (I was trying to go in chronological order) Second, there aren’t really words to describe, no one will quite understand and I want it to suffice. Third, it will probably take me a long time, in the midst crying, laughing, smiling, just loving all around. So takingall of that into account here I go:

I just want to apologize beforehand because in order to get everything out the best I can I will have to follow my thought process which might be a little jumpy from here to there.

I chose to write about Jerilyn right before my mission because I really feel like she is a HUGE reason I felt confident enough to even go on a mission. Jerilyn and I got our mission calls the same

day and were also lucky enough to go to the MTC the same day. (even though our available dates weren’t the same) It was a godsend- and probably a ton more for me than for her.

Ok so back up. At this time I lived with Jerilyn and her family. We sure did a lot. Some of my most treasured times though is in her bedroom. We would stay up and talk for hours. Analyzing, talking about life, wondering this, wondering that. When I spoke I remember her saying things like, “I never thought of that before- wow.” and “You’re SO SMART” or when

I would say that I didn’t know about this concept or that thought but she would constantly make me feel like I should get a million bucks just for thinking of it.

My confidence was shot still at this time, so she prepared me to feel strong, to be happy with me, to really know I am a child of God. She was one that really helped me see who God might see in me.

Let me quickly interject here, I have known Jerilyn since 4^th grade. We were childhood friends until her father moved away and then when I ended up moving into her father’s house we became best friends. Jerilyn knows so many minuet and big details of my life. I can tell her anything and she can tell me anything. For those of you that really know me this is an ENORMOUS love language for me.

If I feel comfortable enough to tell you things in confidence and you in return I feel very special. We know things about each other that almost no one will ever know. I am married now and I won’t ever keep things from him but Jerilyn knew a part of me—and helped me through it—that he will never know. Jerilyn has known me in my dark, depressive state, and when I have healed. She has LOVED me through it all-never ceasing. (no matter what your thinking Jerilyn—never ceasing! At least I believe that)

I can remember the day of entrance to the MTC. I just was so happy I had my best friend with me. I barely even shed a tear. I got to see her throughout the 3 week stay of mine. I had an AMAZING companion and she had a hard time with hers (at first). Talking and confiding just like when we were at home. She always helped me feel like a million bucks.

Jerilyn would send me letters, tapes, call me even on Christmas and mothers day—yes I know this wasn't obedient, but for the option of her being in Ukraine and somehow being able to call me somehow felt like God was okay with it, and if not I still was. I was always just pumped-once again helping me feel like a million bucks.

It is so hard for me that she had such a hard mission. It makes me sad, cry, and wish that somehow it could have been different. That somehow I could give her some of my mission- even if I missed out. Mostly because she helped me so much to even get on mine, and mine was life changing, amazing, touching, healing, tender etc. I want her so bad to get to have that, to know of the remarkable experience.

OH we've had a lot go on from laughter, tears, fear, distraught, depressed, love, hope, faith, loss of faith, loved lost, utter enjoyment, excitement, worry, happiness, joy, to family trips, sibling vacations, camping, Hawaii, Disneyland, Cruises, many 3 A.M.’s, Oakcrest, Holidays, Birthdays, many and many

special gifts I treasure, talks about @(# and about #@#()$, we have done it all-all together. And it’s all still continuing, more memories, more experiences that I will add to my treasured moments.

I’ve said it before but no one will ever know the effect Jerilyn has had on me. I will forever feel gratitude towards her. One day I was thinking about our relationship, my feelings and wrote a little ode to her. Some of which I want to post:

You are my best friend and will always have a place in my heart. No matter if you hurt me, tear me to pieces and stomp on me, no matter if you decide you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, no matter if you even sent me hate mail and wished you never met me… you have changed my life. You personally have made such an impact on my life that I have this dedication to you. You have helped me in so so many ways and have made me feel loved and helped me feel confident during the deepest sorrow of my life that it’s like I owe it to you. Like me life is this happy because of you. I feel in some small way that it was like you were a savior for me. It makes me think of Christ and as if you were working together because he couldn't get me through any other means he had to get me through you. You were an angel sent by God to make sure that I was lifted, it makes me cry when I really think about how much joy you have brought to my life, how much self-worth you brought to me, how much life you brought into my deadening soul.

I love you and wish you knew how much

So here is to you!! No one might ever know or understand what you personally have done for me, and probably you yourself won’t know

but I will and for that I will always be dedicated to you, trying to be the best friend you will ever have, trying to be there for you when you need-no matter the circumstance, trying to show how much I love you AT ALL TIMES because I owe it to you, because I feel it for you and because you deserve it.

For now I will try and show it as much as I can

Love me!

BeSt FriEnd

So the other day I was looking at some memorabilia and I found a poem that I wrote maybe a year after my best friend moved to Oregon. I was sad and missed her so much. I worked so hard on the relationship.

I figured this would be the best poem to start with since it is just a little funny to see how I wrote and felt back when I was 14 or 15.

To Krista Casal:

My best friend means all the world to me,

I miss her very much you see.

Krista Casal is her name,

We have many differences but many the same.

We've had many laughing moments, but many sad,

we've strengthened our friendship-- that's not bad!

She'll always be my best friend

and oh the emails we send

helps our friendship even more

I love her personality she's never a bore.

She'll always be my best friend

all the way to the end.

Now I was lucky enough to have a mom that worked for an airline. I got to go see her every summer until I graduated High School. She's had a pretty tough life. I got to go see her in 2009 (the picture) and I still sure love her so! Sorry peeps, if you put a print in my heart your there for life.

Tribute To Briana Hoffman

Briana Hoffman!

So I feel a little apprehensive writing this one. I have yet to write a post knowing this person reads my blog. BUT I am going to be fully ME and honest and as I write I am not going to worry about anything but to portray what I feel.

There is a reason I saved Briana for last of all my roommates. Her BIG effect on me has been more later on in my life than right when we were roommates.
When we were roommates I was a little intimidated. Briana was the youngest of us all, but you would have not known it. She was very mature, independent, smart, focused, she loved my room roommate and I knew I could never compare to her. I would often think how fun and beautiful Briana is. I would watch her and smile as she would jump in Jen's bed and fall asleep as Jen kept telling her to get out. HILARIOUS. She was strong-IS- strong. I was told of times of difficulty in her life (feeling so privileged to even be told). I was amazed at her strength and power in who she was. I secretly wanted to somehow win her over and be best of friends because I just saw something illuminating from her that was beautiful.

I LOVE that Briana loves dance! But even more so she got me interested in something that just MAKES my DAY! American Sign Language. Briana knew sign and took years of it in high school. So when Emily took a class they would sign in front of me. I was instantly taken in and Briana encouraged me to take a class. I did! I loved it! I LOVE IT NOW! I don't know why other people would want to even learn a different language. (okay Spanish would be useful...) BUT ASL is exciting, visual, bright, fun, happy, funny, interesting, intriguing. I feel a big sense of ME when I can sign. People who are deaf can be quite blunt and I love that too! I just love everything about the language, culture and people. Briana with her simple encouragement, telling me I could do it and it wasn't as difficult as it looked helped me find a part of me I would have never known.

The BIGGEST part of HER- effected me on my mission. I can't even tell you the letters she would write and I felt inspired. Typically people talk about it being the other way around right? The missionary writes and everyone feels inspired. NOPE, I A-B-SO-LUTE-LY LOVED her letters. Somehow I felt so close to her and felt this relationship that I couldn't have even asked a better timing for. Someone as BRIGHT as she to put forth the effort she did to write ME. Wow, she was still a fairly newly wed, then had a baby, worked- choreographed dances for color-guard, etc. etc. She still found time to write little ole' fro (aka me). How grateful I am for this~! I am so grateful for the many letters, hours, and time she put into doing them. Out of all the roommates I got most letters from her. I was always secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) jumping up and down when I got her letters.

Briana is one of the MOST CHRISTLIKE people you will meet.

Can I back up and just try to even explain this concept that you only will get a glimmer of? (I hope this is okay) Briana has a (now) 4 year old (I think?) and a 18 month old. A year and a half ago her cutest little girl was diagnosed with cancer. (remember how strong I told you she is?) She has not only done what it takes she constantly goes the extra mile. No matter how tough things get Briana is ALWAYS giving back and out to others. A year later on the day of the diagnosis they didn't want it to be a sad day and made it a day of HOPE. They did a blood drive and made kits for newly diagnosed children. No, of course she didn't sit in sadness- or have a flush of exhaustion and full of hurt that day, which I would give her every right if she wanted it. But instead she made a hard day into a great one. THIS IS BRIANA! In the midst of all this her newest born was sick as well. Not eating and very thin. Taking both children to the hospital at different times she still manages to make dinner for a friend that just had a baby. AMAZING RIGHT?
Guys, do you see how great she is? Christlike? Can you see how blessed I am to know her? I can, I do.
Briana is always so willing to help, to be there for people, to see the good-the great-the blessings in the midst of sorrow, trials and hardship. She is an inspiration. She is full of GRATITUDE. Recognizes the blessings and gives all praise to God. She is a child OF God and she has just attained many qualities from Him that are to blow everybody else away.

I had the WONDERFUL opportunity to see her this past week. Its been far too long, I was reminded of that light she radiates just because of WHO SHE IS. It was a JoYouS night!

Briana, I sure LOVE YOU! I hope you see how amazing you truly are!

FRO