One week! the real countdown!

Steph and adorable Summer

I can't believe its finally here. One week to go! I am so excited.
Not much new has happened. I went to St George again! This time we got to go with Anders and Stephanie. (Our cousins). They are really fun, laid back and make vacationing what it should be! ...Thanks for letting me tag along with you!

He constantly stared at the water- so cool I guess!

Lymans had this fun floaty. He didn't mind it even though the
sun was in his face. He just relaxed.

I took Jackson swimming! SO FUN! He loved it. I thought he would be fussy but nope! He was great! It was a fun fun weekend! This weekend a bunch of friends of mine are going to bear lake! So I have kept myself busy which has helped with the time going by faster. I'm excited for the weekend.

We totally wore him out! Slept so much this day!

I'm generally not quick to anger but I do get there sometimes. Gary has helped toned me down with this. He is so good, never raises his voice and so I have yet to do so to him. This has helped me learn to react in a more positive way. I hope to continue not to yell, or get overly angry with my kids when they do infuriating things in my eyes. Today I was reading a post from a blog. One thing he said stuck out to me, "Anger is almost always an emotion who wish to control others while simultaneously failing to control themselves."

The Kids loved holding him.

SO TRUE! I never really thought of it that way. I want so bad to be a good mother... no a great mother. I know I will have my downfalls, days that I will feel like I failed, and days that will be hard not to just get mad. But if I can keep this in mind, remember that this child looks up to me as if I was their everything, remember that I can't control them but can best control myself and hope they do the best they can, then that should be good enough. 

Confessions of a first time mom:

I never have seen Jackson stare at someone
as much as he did with Melody. He would
stare and smile and did it for quite a while!
Crush might I say? :) Melody says she's too
old and he can't anyway because their cousins!
Cute Melody! :)

I read an article about how parents clean pacifiers after fallen on the ground. One set of parents would run it under hot water and the other just sucked on it and gave it back to the child. After a few years they went back and checked on these kids and the children with the parents that cleaned the binkie under hot water actually more often had allergies, asthma and other things like that than those mothers that just sucked on the binkie. 

After reading this YES I became a 'suck on the binkie' mother! Gross? oh well. 

2 weeks... YES I SAID THAT RIGHT! 2 WEEKS!

I can't believe Gary gets home in two weeks! Its getting so close... some days it still seems like a lifetime away. But its coming! Things have been pretty good for the most part. I am getting tired of basically being a single parent. Although I do have a lot of help and wonderful friends and family that take him I am just excited not to wonder if I am asking others too much for their help. Gary will be here to help.
Here's a shout out to all that I must thank!
I am SO grateful. First off, my best friend and brother Kevin always runs in to help with the carseat and spoils me with many things! We have great talks and although we have many different beliefs I feel we have a connection that will last forever. We get each other, are there for each other and though I feel like the lucky one of the two I am sure happy we are the friends we are! He has watched Jackson and made me laugh with the way he entertained him while I was gone. Thanks!
Second, my amazing sister and one I look up to as her mothering is amazing! She has done SO many things for me as Gary has been gone. I can't even explain the amount of generosity she has given me. She was there at my birthing class, at the hospital (sleeping there with me too), the first few days at home with Jackson, many meals, many invites to her house, Easter surprise, did I say many meals? my first mothers day care package!, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, she has been a listening ear to my long ramblings. I love her and can't thank her enough.
Third, Michelle. She has brightened many days! With her sweet thoughtful texts checking up on me, the cutest gifts she has sent to me just randomly, and with her visits, friendship and great talks it has made this trek a bit easier on me...all because of what some people might think of as little things, but for me they were HUGE! Thanks so much!
Fourth, Julie, Rick, Brianna, Brooke, and Mikki. They are the family I live with. Not only have they opened their home to me they accept me and love me for me. They have helped immensely with Jackson. I have done yoga, many store trips, a real estate test prep class (a long one too), taken long hot showers, worked out, and have been able to play kickball on a league because of all their help and generosity of their time. They are my right hand and I WOULD NOT have been able to do it without them right here in the same home helping me.

I don't disregard all of you that have given gifts, send love and support, called me, encouraged me and have been there for me these past months. You all are my life savers. And I thank you!

3 Weeks! Slowly but surely.

3 weeks left to go! This seems so close and yet some days I just don't want to wait any longer. I realized something the other day. I was missing Gary a little- for some reason being a tad emotional. I stopped myself in trying to push all my feelings to the side by saying what I always say "its only....this much.... time left." this CAN be a good tactic but it can also be bad. This time it was bad because I just needed to feel what I was feeling. 

All too often we as people tend to try and push aside feelings of sadness, frustration, and stress because they are 'negative.' But if we just sit with the feeling and let yourself go through that emotion I feel often times we would be able to get past it instead of just ignoring it. Its a hard concept to explain but feel what you are going through... because its okay. Its okay that I was missing Gary. Its okay that I didn't even want to wait 3 more weeks. And even okay to be a little down for a time about it all. It didn't take long for me to get over as Gary called and listened to me and of course made me feel like a million bucks. 

In our relationship I am more of the 'fix the problem' and Gary is the 'just listen to me' kind. So at times when I shouldn't be fixing he fills in and helps me be okay with where I am at. 

Moving on.

Can you tell how big he is?

Jackson has been GROWING LIKE A WEED! At his 2 month appointment he was in the 91st % in weight and 94th in height! This was over 3 weeks ago! And I don't know if he is going through another growth spurt because he is feeding often again. Jackson is taller than his cousin that is 5 months old is about the same weight. 

He is starting to laugh more and smile a lot. Its getting really fun and I am excited for Gary to come be a part of it. He isn't rolling over and doesn't even seem like he is trying. He LOVES to stand on his feet though, and sitting up. He gets restless laying down all the time. He sometimes gets fussy just for some attention-its kind of cute. 

My sweet sister holding Jackson after a blow out.
She loved holding him. It was cute.

I am one LUCKY mother. He isn't one of those babies that never cries but he is so good for my needs. He has been on 9 flights! (up and downs on an airplane) because of all the layovers I had getting to San Antonio and then to Mississippi. We just took a road trip to St George and did WONDERFUL. We will be going again soon and also to Bear Lake. I love the kid so much and glad he is good for me for all that I put him through. 

Confessions of a first time mom:

Jackson sleeps on his stomach. The hospital has "back is best" everywhere so being a first time mom it was hard when he wouldn't sleep very well on his back. He sleeps a ton better on his stomach. I felt guilty like I was chancing my child's life because I didn't choose to make him sleep on his back. Don't get me wrong, probably two to four times a month I think he isn't breathing and have adrenaline shoot through my body like no other. But I have found that as a mother you have to do whatever works for you. 

4 Weeks which is 28 days or 672 hours

A fun walk on the beach

At the Biloxi visitors center

All that was left of a house after
Hurricane Katrina... a chimney

I can't even begin to explain the past 2 weeks for me. More and MORE blessings happened and I got to have Gary all to myself from Friday to Monday. Then a few hours at night the other days I was there. HEAVEN. We had a very nice couple take us around and show us sights and had a lot of fun. We ended up watching all three Back to the Future movies because I had never seen them before. (those who know me well are but aren't at the same time surprised :) right?)

Jackson was hilarious on our plane ride back. During the day flight when he would look out the window he would do this funny squint face because of the brightness and then look away. The funniest part is he kept looking out and doing the same thing. During the night flight I was right by the wing and there were flashing lights and he would stare out the window not moving for a good amount of time and then start looking around again and then find himself looking out the window again in a trance. Its nice that this age flashing lights entertain the kid.
There were still many places and lots that had the effects shown from Hurricane Katrina. So many damages done and lots emptied. Some places had a mark of how high the water got to and others only had chimneys left. It was crazy to see how bad the damages were. I began to question peoples logic of why they would live in such a place that their lives go into shambles that quickly. I am not a native so I don't think I will ever understand that.

Out to eat with Kimpels, They were the ones who took us out on the town to see sights!

I'm on the downward spiral and I just know Gary coming home will come quickly. I am so excited and have this energy that is fun to have because of it. Sorry for a short post but I have to get ready I'm going to St George today! :) I love my life.

first time Jackson stood on grass

they look so alike right? :)

The airplane was a little harder this trip
but at the same time more fun.

hanging out at the hotel

7 weeks.... I think I was off count before

Gary when he was at BMT

I GET TO SEE GARY IN LESS THAN A WEEK! I have actually gotten a little nervous. Leaving Gary at BMT was SOOOO hard on me. I am a little worried (or maybe a lot) about leaving Gary again. I keep telling myself that this time is different because I am preparing my mind, because he'll only have 5 weeks left when I leave, because I have a full week to spend with him, and because I have a few things planned after I leave and before he gets back to keep me distracted (plus its summer). I also want to not have these knots in my stomach the whole week I'm with him. I want to just enjoy and take in every moment.

This past week has been pretty good. One night though I had a hormonal night or something. I was talking to Gary and was totally fine. When he wanted to end the phone call to go to bed I instantly got tears in my eyes and was so sad. Then I had a huge "I miss you so much" session with tears streaming. It was quite strong feelings and it really came out of no where. So I decided that if I had my period back it would have been this week with that crazy hormonal night.

My first Mothers Day was WONDERFUL. I got to serve! I made a big dinner for my family. They came to my house and I had meals that accommodated the men and a different one for the women. Lasagna for the men and quinoa stuffed squash for the women! :) It was fun and glad I did it. I was well treated as well. My wonderful sister brought me a "first time mom pampering kit" full of fun stuff. She is always so good at that! Thanks Lisa! She also had her cute kids write answers to some questions and here are the results. (they were all asked at different times so they didn't hear each others responses.)

                              Austin (age 11)              Dylan (age 8)            Sadie (age 6)        Real answer
How old is Julie?                       29                               40                           39                    27

Favorite food?                      Salad                            Pizza                      Salad        Zupas! :)

                                 Go on walks with        Spend time with      Talk with people    All of them
Favorite thing to do?   friends and talk a lot             Jackson

What does Julie do     care for Jackson            If Gary's there       Feed Jackson        All of them
during the day?                                            she'd talk all day.

What does Julie love      Jackson                     her husband           Jackson          they are good!

If Julie were to be      
famous what would it     singing                     being nice               because she's        ?????
be for?                                                                                       a rock star

What is Julie really         planning things         Handling when           Playing basketball     ????
good at?                                                 someone's bugging her

Better late than never

I didn't get a countdown Thursday in and I don't have a lot of time right now but I thought I'd get something down. This past week hasn't been too shabby. as now its only 2 weeks until I see Gary it seems so much more bearable and the excitement is starting to kick in.

Engagement photo's

Last week marked our 4 years of the day he proposed to me.... we don't do anything for this, I just remember because it was one day away from being exactly a year after I got home from my mission. Its crazy how fast it has gone but seems like a different lifetime if I think about life without him.
Gary has been my rock, even though he has it even harder right now he pulls up his boot straps and is the one to be strong for me all too often. He doesn't have family, friends or a familiar place on his side for support but yet he is still so strong.
I have started a new book called Bloom by Kelle Hampton. Its been really good as she is an amazing writer. I have a quote I want to share from her that I think is very insightful.

We THOUGHT we were funny pretending to be in jail.

"Let me tell you something about strength. you can't buy it, and you most certainly cannot get it overnight. It is earned, like muscle sinews that grow and fortify over years of hard exercise. Second, I wouldn't say my glass is always half full. There are days when it's cracked and leaking, days when it's chipped and even shattered. But then I get the Krazy Glue out and fix it, and suddenly it's half full again. Even though it's patched up in places, I've made it my own with the beveled edges and beautiful etchings that perspective brings."
I love this. Too often we think we need to show our strong side, make it seem like we always have our wits about us. I am NOT like this. I am me, I have my hard days, easy and wonderful days and days where I feel like I am going crazy. Thats LIFE. I know that those who try to perceive otherwise are fooling themselves more than me. I am getting stronger and stronger every day. My glass is my own and I love it. Gary and I at least once a week or so talk about how blessed we are. Gary talked about how much the blessings came after getting married. I almost agreed until I really thought about my life and I have been watched over and blessed TREMENDOUSLY throughout my entire life. There has always been p

Cold Gary? HA

eople to always watch and take over me, experiences to strengthen me and change my life, and more and more and more I can't begin to explain.

My life is good. It's actually GREAT. Although I would prefer to have Gary here, we both are learning and becoming stronger-AND he is coming back. I can survive. I hope all of you feel so blessed as well, I know its not just me that God blesses.

Happy Friday all. And its so late that I am saying that its only 1 and half weeks until I see Gary! YAY

Thursday Countdown 3 weeks until I see Gary and 9 until he is home for good

First thing I am excited about is a tender mercy from God about this trip I am going to be taking. I had a confirmed flight there and didn't know exactly what to do for flight home. I could fly standby on Jetblue but there were a lot of things that would go into that including a car rental, an hour and a half car ride on top of possible not making it on flights. It wasn't ideal but it was my only option instead of paying a lot of money we couldn't afford. Well my mom has points that she was willing to let me use on a different airline but we couldn't find a flight at the points we wanted. SO I started looking at flying into Las Vegas and other options. Today I was checking to make sure Vegas points were the same if I booked it and accidentally looked at flying into SLC. There was a flight for the points that we wanted!!! I got a booked flight HOME! Thanks of course to my wonderful and generous mother of mine!She is using HER points on ME! She has done so much for me these past few months and I am in awe of her kindness and generosity. Its so wonderful.

I only had one hard day this past week-there tends to be at least one a week. It wasn't too difficult I just had a little pitty party, talked with Gary, cried a little and then moved upward and onward. Gary had a good experience and helped me with being stronger.

Gary is doing great! He's such a strong guy and changing every day its amazing to see.

I don't have a lot to say this week but I am doing GREAT! Jackson is fun, starting to smile more, weighs about 12 pounds now! and is healthy. I am learning more everyday on how to be a good mom, what Jackson likes and doesn't, how to attend to certain needs and I know there are only tons more learning experiences to come. Happy, healthy, life is good and 3 weeks is going to come FAST! :).

I decided that although its long past the video of surprising Gary should be posted somewhere on this blog. Its not the best as the person shooting the video camera couldn't see what she was shooting because the sun was too bright and it came all too quickly for her to say anything. But nonetheless I love it. You can see a little of his great emotion that he really did have! I sure LOVE this man. (I don't know how to make the video better clarity as its not bad on my original copy, not savvy enough.)
HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYONE!