A Late Tuesday Countdown: 5 weeks down 16 to go

Another week gone. This week has had lots of ups and downs. In anticipation of Gary's call (since I missed the previous call he had) I would run to every beckoning buzz or ring my phone made. NOTHING... He has called Tuesday, Wednesday's and Thursdays. So Tuesday came and gone without too much of a surprise. Wednesday came and went with a sigh that it wasn't the day. I was certain Thursday would be the day, and to my surprise the day came and left. I was quite sad and wished I didn't miss his previous call. I canceled a hiking trip with a friend that was on Friday because I was too scared Gary would call and I'd miss it. (Do I sound obsessive and lame yet?) I'm glad I did because he did call! PHEW! 

I was so excited but the allotted 12ish minutes was taken up by information that just needed to be discussed. ie: if people come see him graduate what do they need to bring, I gave him a few phone numbers to keep on hand, and did you get this and that? The call ended and normally I have a bit more rejuvenation from his call but I was longing to talk more. Thankfully I had good friends I was visiting and I got to talk to them some more. 

Saturday came and I had a baby shower! It was fun and got my mind off of Gary. Afterwards my sister in laws had planned a girls night. They PAMPERED ME! I didn't realize what the night was but they planned it all to pamper me. They pampered themselves too but they planned it because they thought I'd need it (Thanks Kerstin). They took me to Zupa's and then I got my feet bathed, scrubbed, and a pedicure. But that wasn't all- we did facials and satin hands. It was perfect timing for me. I am sure blessed! 

From that day it was pretty good. Although I still miss Gary so much I am rejuvenated with his kind letters and a phone call on Monday. 

WARNING cheese is about to proceed...

I want to share a part of Gary's tender letter that helps me. He says just the right things to me. I might be a sap but it sure makes me feel good. 

Although I canceled a hike on Friday I still went on
one on Monday with my sister. Up to bell reservoir. This
is me over 8 months pregnant!

"...I miss you and free time, walks, regular food, time with family, sleep, moving at whatever speed I want, keeping my stuff wherever I want, wearing civilian clothes, and many more things but most of all YOU my love. Hope you have a wonderful day. Do something special for yourself today OK! I mean it, go spend some money on yourself, call a friend and go to lunch, see a movie, get a massage, jump in a hot tub, plan a trip down town, go to a play, do everything on the list. Love you

-Your forever partner.

I sure have a great guy. We are so blessed and I am grateful for the love, support and tender mercies that I have been given and shown to me!

Countdown Tuesday: 4 down 17 to go

I've never been so good at doing a weekly posting. But I am going to attempt to do it. Every Tuesday marks another week down of Gary being gone and another week closer for him coming home. Gary is great at writing me. Most of his letters are tender for me and most people wouldn't care to hear them. But his last letter I found insightful and so I will share it here.
Julie,

Gary and his brothers 

We have some free time so I thought I would write. Being here makes me appreciate the small things. Sitting, sleeping, eating slow (I know right), and freedom to do whatever. I'm once again reminded of what life is all about: family, friends, and good relationships. Its so important to treasure time with family. A day on the beach of Bear Lake is worth so many boring days going to work and coming home. And the funny thing is those days are so great and important too. Because what you do with those days makes you who you are.
Life  moves so fast it's easy to have it pass you buy. It's a tough balance between making sure you enjoy the pleasant moments, and not get stuck in a field of flowers sleeping like Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz.
Sounds funny but I hope my main point get to you. I've seen both sides in people. Some move so fast they forget that life is a great blessing. All their money and career advancements mean nothing when they reach the last day in this life. And others reach the end and having nothing to show. No gain, not very much pain.
 I hope when we are old and grey we can look back and feel like we lived life to the fullest. Never doubt who you can become my love. You and I are going to move mountains.
love you tons.
Gary

I sure love how positive he is. This could be so difficult and he could just hate every second but instead he takes a day at a time and remembers why the little things do matter. He is an inspiration to me. I miss him so much but am so grateful that I do get to grow old and grey with him.

3 weeks down 18 to go

This is Gary leaving! 

HOLY COW. It has only been 3 weeks since Gary left. It feels like forever. It is much different than I had expected. I didn't really know what I thought it would be like but I'm surprised at how difficult this has all turned out to be.
The SHINING moments of each week is the 10-12 minute phone calls we get. He is changing, in a great way. Today he talked about how he has learned to enjoy the smallest things. He also said even if he came home today he would be a different husband. He said he has never missed me so much-or anyone to the extent he feels. Every time I have to say goodbye its a little teary but so worth the short talk I get with him.

Right before all the tears came

He has sort of become the spiritual leader in his squad. Some people were having a difficult time and he was explaining how they have to be strong. He opened up and told them he will be missing his first child's birth. That brought on some others talking about their situations. One has had his grandpa die while being there. Gary had brought a nonmember to church with him as well. He is a natural leader and I am so proud of how strong he is being.

Gary got a gift for Jackson's birthday. So I have a gift to open at the
hospital from him. No I have not peaked and I don't know what it is.

I am now 36 weeks! ONLY 4 more weeks of my life as I know it. Without Gary here it all makes me even more nervous then I would already be. I can do it right? I can be a bit emotional when I am tired. I am most nervous about dealing with the baby all alone-throughout every night- and I HOPE I can sleep for naps. I have a difficult time napping. I can feel so tired during the day and once I go lay down my mind won't rest and ultimately I don't sleep. BUT maybe things will change as the exhaustion sets in with a newborn.


I have been a little freaked out about everything that I realize I am missing out on the greatness that is happening around me and IN me. I am more recently trying to relax and find the positive things in having a baby. Everyone talks about the difficulties and I have been focusing far too much on that. So here's to a new experience, a new life, and a new attitude to being happy with all the blessings of my life-because I do have oh so many.

Athiest, Gay and Mormon

My sister is Atheist, my brother is Gay, I am Mormon and I’m loving life.

When I got home from my mission it was one of my most difficult times of my life. When I left for my mission it was drastically different than when I came home a mere 18 months later. I got to go to the MTC with my best friend by my side as she was going to Ukraine for her mission. My sister didn’t believe in the LDS church any more but was attending the local Lutheran church. The rest of my siblings believed and mostly were active. This is how it was when I left.

The most difficult part of my mission was coming HOME. I could barely get in a word edgewise about my mission the day I got home. I was quickly told to get my skirt off and tag. My siblings and friend had even started talking about sex in a crass way that I was not used to. To top it off 2 days later I was on a cruise, in a swimsuit, seeing some of my siblings drink, others dirty dance, and talked about things in a very crass and crude way.  I was shocked and didn’t really know how to take it all in and what to make of it all.

In time I found out that my sister didn’t believe in Christ. This was difficult as I have always looked up to, respected, and admired Lisa (as I still do) as she has been the best sister- often times my second mom in which I so desperately needed- to me throughout my entire life. We would have discussions that would challenge what I was so certain of before and now didn’t have the foggiest clue. It seemed as though everything I once knew was a mere thought that had blown away that I didn’t know how to hold on to-but desperately wanted.  This continued as I found out that she didn’t even believe in a God. MY SISTER IS AN ATHEIST!? Hmmm…. Wait… how? …What? In a seemingly average LDS home growing up, all of us going on missions, strong at one point…. And now ATHIEST!? It brought my mind into many different places I don’t think most LDS people will allow themselves to go. Although difficult I have learned so much from allowing my mind to be open and I’m so happy I did.

As time went on I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be but still believed. I fell madly in love with my now husband, who has a very conservative family. (This isn’t to sound bad at all-It’s just very different than mine.) Gary was the least conservative but still very strong. In the beginning of our marriage I think the liberalness of my family was a little shocking to him but I couldn’t be more grateful for how he has handled it all. Not only did Gary love my family and not judge them he had an open mind with what they were saying and understood where I was coming from with my difficulties. If not for all the million other reasons this guy is perfect for me this was a massive one. I struggled and if my husband had a closed mind to all the thoughts and differences to what he believed we probably wouldn’t have made it. Although it was still difficult not knowing where we stood in the midst of my very liberal family and his very conservative family. We discussed, talked, cried, questioned, waivered, and very much struggled with all the confusing information we had going on in our heads.

 

In the midst my best friend, closest brother and guy I think so highly of and love so much told us that he was gay. No matter what anyone else thinks most of you don’t have a clue how you would really feel or act if this happened to you. More than anything I just wanted him to know I loved him and didn’t care. He was the same brother, same amazing guy that I still feel so close to.  But wait this is yet another thing that contradicts my previous beliefs.  What should I feel, how should I think? I needed to figure this out without everyone else telling me what to think and how to feel. I came to one strong conclusion: LOVE. I do not need to condemn, look down upon or even think less of how high I hold him in-and so I don’t.  This is the same with all of my siblings.

One of my most favorite scriptures:

Romans 8: 35, 37-39

35. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
37. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors throw him that loved us.
38. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39. Nor height, no depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

How can we as Christians be so harsh on others when all we need to do is LOVE. There is so much looking down on, seeing others as less, not as righteous, not as spiritual, not as ‘strong,’ one who misses out, or even see their life as sad. I’m sorry for those who feel this way because you are missing out on a profound experience of what LOVE really is. One of the most difficult things about being LDS is seeing, hearing, and being judged so much (all by your peers from church). There is SO much judgment that flows out-and I believe this happens because we feel so strongly about what we do believe, so it becomes all too natural to see the so called sins of everyone around. Think of the adulterer in the Bible who Christ so quickly forgave (AN ADULTERER!) this showed all those who were judging her and wanting to stone her how much THEY were in the wrong.

I have always had a bit more of an open mind to differences. I have had such diverse friends and some very different than me. I have learned so much from everyone else and the different lives they have led. Like I have said, my sister is Atheist, my brother is gay and I am LDS and I love life. I love my family so very much, for all they have taught me and the true meaning of learning not to be judgmental and just LOVE. 

To those who have a closed mind to other things that might be different to what you currently believe I will quote Phoebe from Friends:

(Background: Phoebe and Ross have been arguing about evolution. Phoebe isn’t so convinced that evolution happened. So Ross brings a briefcase of things to convince her that it is undoubtedly real. As he starts Phoebe cuts him off and says:  

“Ross could you just open your mind like this much. Now wasn’t there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the earth was flat? And up until what like, 50 years ago you all thought the atom was the smallest thing until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out? NOW are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can’t admit that there is a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?”

I do feel very blessed in my life. I am not saying you should doubt your beliefs in the slightest. I know how incredibly blessed I have been and see Gods hand in my life. But because I have had an open mind to other things I can see where people are coming from, understand them as close as I feel like a person could and like Christ ultimately does. I don’t know all the answers to my questions let alone everyone else’s. But I am not going to say that they are 100% wrong and would have such a better life the way I live it. Or even say that I am 100% right. I believe, I have faith and I have no room to say that I am right, you are wrong. I will live to what I feel is right, let others live the same way and LOVE everyone.

Now let me say I am not trying to sound all high and mighty. I am in no way perfect in this or in life. I have many faults, downsides and just like everyone else have my demons that I fight. But I do feel strongly (if you can’t tell) about all of this. I love life. I have learned to embrace it, take it in as it is. If people don’t love me it doesn’t mean I can’t love them. I don’t know their situation, I don’t know their life and I have just learned to (and sometimes still learning to) love and love as much as I can. I can’t explain how bright life is these days.  Even though I have my difficulties, struggles and hard days I have an amazing and more than fitting husband for me, about to have our first kid, friends and family that are so good to me, and a God who is very prevalent in my life.

I will say it for a third time: My sister is atheist, my brother is gay, I am Mormon and I LOVE LIFE. 

Mission Monday..... On Wednesday.

I know its Wednesday but I had written most of this a while ago and just finished it and don't want to wait until Monday to post... so its mission Monday on a Wednesday. Deal with it! :)

Sister Bingham.... Before I begin with this...whatever it will become, I need to give you all some back story for those who don't know it.

When I was a teen at my parents house I would constantly get in fights with my mom. We would be yelling at each other and it was just NOT a good situation. When I turned 18 I looked for a nanny position and was going through an agency to help me find a place to go. Before I was accepted they called a few people to see my references. I found out my mom gave me a BAD reference. In response they didn't accept me.

I was already hurt by her in many ways and this just added to the struggle we already had. I found a local nanny job, bought my own car WITHOUT her help, got my own insurance, got a boy that I knew she wouldn't approve of and was trying to be independent of her.
I was asked by Rick and Julie Brunson to go to Hawaii with them and be a nanny so if they want to go out I would watch the kids. (They paid for everything but extras I wanted there.) It was about a week and a half trip. I was in bliss. I felt loved, cared for, and I confided in them with some of the darkest secrets I had at the time that was eating at me. When I got home the FIRST night my mom and I got in a HUGE fight.
I couldn't take it anymore. I eventually went to the Brunsons for a few nights and they said I could move in. I left my parents house happily and ran as fast as I could.

We did have fun even through my difficulty. This is us
breaking into a church we needed to set up a baptism for.

Now back to Sister Bingham. Now I don't know where to start. This area was cleansing of my past. I was looking through my journal and at the beginning Sister Bingham and I seemed to be fine. Then I don't know what happened but it was VERY DIFFICULT. I had a bunch of my past come flowing in. I kept pushing it aside because I was on a mission, it wasn't ME time. It was time to forget about me and focus on everyone else and this work. This wasn't a good thing. Bingham and I really struggled. I remember one fight of ours where she was yelling (I'm sure I was too) and she walked out of the room and into the next room and she slammed the door. It was a FLASHBACK to my mom and my fights. That is EXACTLY what she would do. I hated it. Later Bingham said she didn't know why she did that and it was very out of her character. God really was giving me my mom. I had run away from my situation when I was 18 instead of working it out and now I was going to have to deal with my past issues whether or not I was willing to admit it.

We still had great missionary experiences. This Family
I absolutely love and disagree with all those who
talk negatively about baptizing 9-12 year olds.
This experience was amazing!

I remember getting an letter from my dearest friend Jen Bowman. She talked about how everyone goes through their own Gethsemane on the mission. This sure was mine. I hurt so much but didn't know how to change everything.

There are some area's that Bingham has TRUELY changed my life. First off she is NOT really like my mom, I don't know why she represented her in every way at the time because she is opposite of that mom I anguished over. Bingham is SO positive. She has changed my life in MANY ways and this is one. She would always want things said in a positive way. (I have totally applied this in my life and try my hardest to say things positively- it has changed my life!) If I was down about myself, how could we say it in a better way. (not like my old mom) She also loved UNCONDITIONALLY through all the HELL I put her through. I still feel bad at the times I remember her crying at my expense, her trying to love me and my unaccepting self. (at the time I didn't know HOW to accept it) She told me, "I am TRYING to love you but you won't let me in." It was true. I was past feeling for so long I didn't know how to come alive.

A story for another time... but those of you who do know-
EWWW(and yet so funny)

Her desires are SO pure. I loved a picture that was at the LDS store we would often visit. It wasn't cheap but on my birthday she gave it to me and bought one for herself. I still LOVE it. I have such a tenderness for it. The picture is of a man at a lighthouse where waves of water is surrounding it and it looks as if there is no way out. It says, "Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms his child."

No matter how hard I pushed her away she would push harder back trying to get inside my heart. I call this time of my life an awakening. Because of my past I was dead. I really didn't FEEL. I can't really explain how past feeling I was beforehand. This was all preparatory for the best last half of my mission.

I was happy to leave, but sad at the same time. I loved the area so MUCH!, I felt the immense change that had come over me, and I was very close to my mission president. I did NOT want to leave him.

Sister Strebeck, me, Sister Bingham

I have never truly thanked Bingham the way she deserves. She was one of my companions that changed my life more than any else. Others had an impact- and some a HUGE impact which has benefited my life greatly. But she was there for me when I needed to work through past and loved me through it. (Just like Christ, even if we don't love him, accept him or his love, He will love us nonetheless.) Just like my Mission President did.

Bingham was the one I NEEDED at that time. There wasn't going to be a different way out, I couldn't run, hide or ignore it. I had to face it. Get over my past. Let the little child out the door to move on and let go of the hiding hurt I had. No one can understand but God and me the feelings that superseded my experience with her and the amazing BLUE CREEK WARD! :)
On to Sister Ross! -in which I just did a post about a few weeks ago.

A little update

My life is about to be turned upside down....And for now I am calm about it. For those of you that don't know Gary will be leaving a week from Tuesday! He is going to boot camp and then tech training and will be gone for 5 months! YIKES. I haven't been away from him longer than just over a week since we were DATING! ( which has been 4 years!) He will be going to boot camp in Lackland, Texas and then shipped to Biloxi Mississippi for tech training. The hardest part of all is that he is going to be missing the birth of our first in March. Another downer is that he will be in boot camp still when I have the baby and might not even be able to be on the phone for it depending on the day I deliver. 

When Gary leaves his life will not be the life he once lived. Not only will boot camp and tech training change him or that he will be gone from everyone for almost a half of a year but he will be coming home to a 3 month old son. His first Fathers Day he will be gone for and possibly not even seen his son in person by then. Our lives really is about to change. 

But now on to the upsides. Gary and I have seen God's hand in our lives so much and can't deny the help He has given us throughout our whole marriage. So I want to express the good things with what is about to happen even though it might be one of the toughest 5 months I will have to go through.

 -Gary was able to stay for all of the holidays and for his brother's wedding that happened in December. 

 -I have a place to stay up here in SLC area so I don't have to be alone in St George especially with a labor and delivery and dealing with a newborn during Gary's absence. 

 -Right now we have insurance but when a military person is active they are 100% covered. So the birth of our baby won't be a chunk of money that we don't have. 

 -For some reason I think that I will be able to gain more confidence in my parenting ability if I have to do it on my own for a while. 

 -Also I think Gary will adjust better with a baby if I have the hang of it.

 -Gary will  be back in time to make it for the next semester of college. 

 -Gary has scholarships for school when he gets back.

 -I get to live with a wonderful supportive family that will be a huge help for me during this difficult time.

There are many blessings that I can't explain that we have felt and had happen. 

I am so proud of Gary for the sacrifice he is taking for the benefit of our family. This step he has taken hasn't been easy and still won't be but I am so happy to be married to a man that will do what it takes to live the life we want to have for our future.

mission monday

Stopped at a park for a little fun time before an appt.

 

I know it’s been a while about me talking about my mission but my second companion has been on my mind and the difference she has made in my life. The blessings she was in so many ways so here goes a mission Monday on my second companion: my “greenie buster.”

Our Golden investigator! Most PRECIOUS experience!

CheyAnn Ross! What a wonderful companion. I actually had the privilege of having her as my companion twice but first she was my greenie buster. She was the perfect one for me. Let me explain a few things about Ross. If I could only pick two words to describe her I would say classy and confident. I have never met anyone that fits that classification better. Her confidence is the best kind too because she isn’t really effected by what others think and she isn’t cocky and self-idling. –In my opinion those that are confident in that way aren’t really truly confident because they are making up for something. Anyway she is so classy too. I can’t talk her up enough about how amazing she was. And being me- very UNclassy and very unconfident she was what made my world change and many paradigms shift.

A girl we thought was already a member- yet another GOLDEN
With amazing ward support.

Being a greenie I thought I knew way too much and my trainer was awesome and we were OBEDIENT! I had a skewed way of thinking and going to my new area I thought it would be the same. Now I am not saying we weren’t obedient but it was different. I remember writing home at the very beginning saying how nervous I was for the area and companion because it wasn’t going as I thought it should be. (Man I was so naive.) Ross being her confident self taught me one of the most valuable things I have held on to since. I don’t know if I can explain it well but I will try.

CheyAnn had a good relationship with God. I saw it. She emanated it. The Spirit was there even though I thought we weren’t doing things the ‘right’ way. I realized that people can see things differently and it didn’t make them wrong and I was right. If she was good with God and I was good with God even though we did things differently or saw things differently then who am I to judge that she should do it the way I think its right. (Is this making any sense?) It helped me realize even more the dumb part of judgment on others. I have been able to apply this thought process a lot and it has been a great way of not judging anyone-in any circumstance-whether they are in the gospel or not.

P-day having fun looking at the crazy DI clothes

Well not the best explanation but it will do. I became very dependent on Ross which I am sure was HARD to deal with. I was learning, it was a new way of thinking and I fell in love with how she was, so different than I and so amazing. I remember also realizing how Utah bubble I was in as we shared experiences and as I taught. In lessons I would constantly refer to things as if everyone knows certain lingo, saying the stake or ward is doing…. (and many more things I never really knew people wouldn't know what I was talking about) Ross would have to take up my slack and explain what I was talking about because I would use too much lingo and verbage that most didn’t know.

We had lots of fun and I learned a heck of a ton. (that’s a lot) I know more that she was sent to me than the other way around. The next few companions I will get back to but at one point I had a break down. I had my mini Gethsemane and then I got news I was being transferred to none else than Ross. I was ecstatic-other than leaving one of my favorite areas-I knew for a certain things were going to get better.

P-day with elders hiking!

Service shoveling snow

Up to Great Falls I went to ‘kill her off’- it was her last transfer and I got to be her companion. She was sick in this part of her mission. Many doctors’ appointments but man she was still determined as ever. Though I was more of a seasoned missionary I fell back to a little too much of dependency. I KNOW I wasn’t as easy as I could have been looking back. I was still a little broken from the area before. My confidence was shot, my heart heavy, dealing with MANY emotions, and I needed to be built up again. Who else better than someone who is so naturally confident, happy, and great at helping me out? No one. She built me up and helped me see my worth. I sometimes wish I wasn’t as hard as I know I was for her. I was the one getting all the gain and I drained her. So I can’t thank her enough, for merely being her amazing self. Also for being the one to give so much and take so little. I hope one day she knows the great change she has made in me. I have come to cherish those memories.

Disclaimer: I make myself seem like a lame 

companion. We had a lot of fun times, good memories, golden investigator, times where the Spirit was SO strong, worked hard, loved many and have times of talking I wouldn’t trade for the world. I just realized later the person I was and the person I changed into with my time with her. Sure love you CheyAnn (Ross) Prestidge 

Our great falls amazing view we got!